Finally

It's been a long time since the last one: I finally have an interview tomorrow, and another one in the works. Both for part-time positions, which might be good, since it's been a while. I feel irrational fear and anxiety. I hope it goes away. I hate interviewing with a passion.

Grocery Shopping

Why do I get so agitated when I go grocery shopping. You'd think it was the worst thing ever. It's never bad, but it's like pulling teeth to go! And I feel so bad because there was a boy who must have been struggling with Autism, and I could only begin to tell how difficult it must have been for both he and his family. Then I saw a poor old man in a wheel chair asking for money on the street....one of those that sits in his wheelchair in between lanes. I just wanted him to move so that he doesn't get hit! But it reminded me of seeing my dad in his wheelchair, which is so hard. Actually, I don't think my dad really used a wheelchair; I think he's too proud. But he needs to work on his strength for more walking. Parkinson's really sucks; especially when you add dementia. Luckily, that has been better, but I got a taste of what it will be like, and that was horrible. At least now he's back home instead of at a facility, thank goodness. I just feel bad for people today.

Dad and me Oct 14, 2017

This was taken in the nursing home. It's not a great picture, but I'm happy to have it. I love my Dad so much.

Stupidity

The media is giving Trump exactly what he wants: attention. The media is obsessed with him: on both sides of the political spectrum. Don't feed narcissism. Talk about WORLD issues; there's a lot of shit going on all over the world. I don't want to hear any more about the idiot in chief. In other rants: the infamous Dove ad is NOT racist. I think people aren't seeing the whole ad. It has THREE women in it changing shirts. It's not dark to light or bad to good. It's dark to light to dark again. People are overly sensitive, which in my opinion, IS racist. To be overly conscious of it wreaks of it. Just my opinion.

Dad,,,Sad

This year, My dad was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. I was really sad, but had no idea how bad it gets. I did not even know that dementia is a symptom, but my dad now had dementia. It is heartbreaking. He is 83 years old. I love my dad so much, and he has always been a hero of mine. I always felt like even though on the outside, I seem very much like my mom, I felt like on the deep, soul-type stuff, I'm a lot like my dad. My dad is the most gentle person you could ever meet. I have rarely seen him raise his voice, and never seen him cry. Well, he looked like he had been crying when I went to visit him (In a nursing home!!!) Monday as he said, "I thought I'd never see you again." That just about killed me. I cried for half the ride home from Streamwood. I really thought it was all the changes in medication that were causing the dementia because it came on so quickly! We went to Gatlinburg, TN for the solar eclipse in late August, and I talked to him on the phone right before we left. He was still living at home, and sounded normal. Now, in late September, he's in a home, and not making sense. On the upside, when I got there, he said, "Well, look who it is!" which sounded like my dad. But then he made the comment about never seeing me again. And Then....well, I won't go into all the particulars. It's private. But I hope they can change the medicine so that he gets better. Apparently, he has good days too; I'd like to visit him on one of those days. At this point in time, I'm scared to go see him. I need to face that and not just think of myself. So, that's the update.

Pool Night, 5-2017

Ennui?

I think I'm suffering from ennui. I can't stand being home; I still haven't made myself get a job, and so by evening, I'm so sick of being in the apartment that I could climb the walls. But it's not good to always go out either. ugh. and I miss my old friend whom I haven't seen in FOREVER. I hope he's doing well.

Word to remember

For some reason, I like this word. I should try to remember it. (from Dictionary.com) feint [feynt] Spell Syllables Examples Word Origin See more synonyms on Thesaurus.com noun 1. a movement made in order to deceive an adversary; an attack aimed at one place or point merely as a distraction from the real place or point of attack: military feints; the feints of a skilled fencer.