I've Been on Hiatus

Until Trump is out of office, I am not even bothering with posts on this blog because everything is asinine, and I have checked out.

Mood Lately

I haven't posted here in a really long time, and I miss writing, even though this isn't the most private way to do it, it's close! :) We've been living at this new apartment for about seven months, and I don't really like it. It's a nicer, bigger place, and I kind of like having roommates, but it doesn't feel like home. That's really hard for me. There are two rooms that are almost a waste for all of winter and most of fall because they're too cold. and the roommates don't keep the heat on in rooms they're not in. So the whole apartment is freezing. As a result, everyone spends most of their time in the bedrooms; I don't like that. I get stir crazy. I'm still not working, so I've also been climbing the walls by 8 or 9 every night dying to get out; so then I go out and spend money I don't have just to have a change of scenery. I think the two things that make me happy lately are talking to people, and going out. More of extroverted qualities than I usually have. Anxiety is a big part of my life, I think. It's been a hard year; anxiety keeps me from dealing with my life. My dad has Parkinson's and dementia and is in a nursing home, and I hardly ever go visit him. This fills me with guilt, but anxiety and depression keep me from finding good times to go. Yes, I said depression. I'm pretty sure I'm depressed; I'm sleeping more than I'm awake. I saw the doctor yesterday about changing meds, and she was the opposite of helpful, and for now, said no. I cried for an hour after I got home. Stymied. Okay, this is too much of a downer of a post; more later.

Move

We moved last Wednesday to another place in the city. I'm slowly getting used to it, but we'll see how I do when I'm alone. Moving in with friends as roommates; I haven't had roommates in ages and ages. It's kind of strange and feels a little like a downgrade. BUT there's a dishwasher and washer and dryer, and there's air-conditioning even in the bedroom. I love those perks.

"Growth Mindset"

I always thought I had what is apparently known as a "growth mindset," but maybe I didn't, or maybe over time, I have changed. Any change to my life makes me way stressed out to the point that I've been living with the main goal of complete relaxation with no disruption. Of course, life happens, and you can't have that completely, but I've been trying to have it as much as possible. I came across this article, and I keep thinking about this paragraph. Maybe it will help me deal with change. (going to see my dad who has Parkinson's and dementia and now lives in a nursing home; moving to another apartment in a couple of months; possibly getting a job; two interviews, etc). All of this stuff is making me super stressed.
"People’s core attitudes fall into one of two categories: a fixed mindset or a growth mindset. With a fixed mindset, you believe you are who you are and you cannot change. This creates problems when you’re challenged, because anything that appears to be more than you can handle is bound to make you feel hopeless and overwhelmed. People with a growth mindset believe that they can improve with effort. This makes them happier because they are better at handling difficulties. They also outperform those with a fixed mindset because they embrace challenges, treating them as opportunities to learn something new."--Forbes

Finally

It's been a long time since the last one: I finally have an interview tomorrow, and another one in the works. Both for part-time positions, which might be good, since it's been a while. I feel irrational fear and anxiety. I hope it goes away. I hate interviewing with a passion.

Grocery Shopping

Why do I get so agitated when I go grocery shopping. You'd think it was the worst thing ever. It's never bad, but it's like pulling teeth to go! And I feel so bad because there was a boy who must have been struggling with Autism, and I could only begin to tell how difficult it must have been for both he and his family. Then I saw a poor old man in a wheel chair asking for money on the street....one of those that sits in his wheelchair in between lanes. I just wanted him to move so that he doesn't get hit! But it reminded me of seeing my dad in his wheelchair, which is so hard. Actually, I don't think my dad really used a wheelchair; I think he's too proud. But he needs to work on his strength for more walking. Parkinson's really sucks; especially when you add dementia. Luckily, that has been better, but I got a taste of what it will be like, and that was horrible. At least now he's back home instead of at a facility, thank goodness. I just feel bad for people today.

Dad and me Oct 14, 2017

This was taken in the nursing home. It's not a great picture, but I'm happy to have it. I love my Dad so much.