There may be a need for a new blog

I am very gradually going through some old pictures. I'm not sure what to do with them, so maybe I'll start a blog just for pictures. For now, here is 17-year old Nicole...I think the summer after high school graduation and a month or two before I left for college. Here I sit with the plaintive 'y' pretzel. (don't ask, but my friend Reb and I spent half that afternoon finding things shaped like the letter 'y' and going on and on about the "plaintive y." Notable in the picture: my totally rad pop swatch, my Dead Milkmen concert t-shirt about 18 sizes too big, and big hair. Never mind the pretzel massacre happening on the table in front of me...

I'm Smooth Like That

I just dropped a lit candle into my lap. Luckily, nothing caught on fire, but I did give a new meaning to waxing my legs.

Geez, I need a job

Anyway, Friday. 11:30. Eric. Lunch. Downtown. Huzzah!

Words That Marketing Has Confused Me With

As a result of marketing, I now have a lot of trouble spelling:
empowermint=empowerment (right?)
Ludacris= ludicrous (right??)


Words I have trouble with anyway:
institutionalized
I forgot what else for now

I love this song

Institutionalized

quel est le mot?

This would be a good day to spend with someone you were in love with. I can't think of the right word to describe this mood I'm in that I get sometimes: it's not quite 'sentimental,' not quite 'emotional,' not quite 'daydreamy.' It's not 'nostalgic.' What is it? 'Sappy?' Maybe. Something about the weather out today makes me want to spend time with someone under a blanket and do crosswords or something, drink hot cocoa, cuddle, maybe go for a walk. whatever this mood is is weird because thinking of that list of stuff to do brought tears to my eyes a little. Oh, and I"m still listening to The Walkmen, You & Me album, which always makes me feel a little....sigh...whatever the word is.

Quotation Marks and Punctuation

from http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/577/01/

"...the period or comma punctuation always comes before the final quotation mark. It is important to realize also that when you are using MLA or some other form of documentation, this punctuation rule may change."

This would explain why a professor constantly corrected my placement of punctuation before the end quotes...she goes by MLA,and I'm used to going by APA or similar.

One of my favorite songs ever

It just evokes so many emotions and a dreamy feel for me when I hear it. It really paints a picture.

http://grooveshark.com/s/On+The+Water/1r9QBg?src=5

from apastyle.org

"What is the correct way to use parentheses?
According to APA Style, it is correct to use parentheses

to set off structurally independent elements

Examples:

* The patterns were significant (see Figure 5).
* (When a complete sentence is enclosed in parentheses, place punctuation in the sentence inside the parentheses, like this.)
* If only part of a sentence is enclosed in parentheses (like this), place punctuation outside the parentheses (like this).

to set off letters that identify items in a series within a sentence or paragraph (see also section 3.04 on seriation)

* Example:
The subject areas included (a) synonyms associated with cultural interactions, (b) descriptors for ethnic group membership, and (c) psychological symptoms and outcomes associated with bicultural adaptation."

(source: http://www.apastyle.org/learn/faqs/use-parentheses.aspx)

Is this sappy?

Sometimes when I have a good night with someone I like, the next day, I like to smell the clothes I wore and be reminded of that person. Case in point...today and last night's sweater. That's about the only time I like the smell of cigarette smoke. Oh, and when I'm outside, I often kind of like the smell.

gulp

It is with humility and embarrassment that I must take this opportunity to admit that I am an ignoramus. I have been annoyed for months that sound has only been coming out of my right speaker. I think I even replaced my old set of speakers for the same reason. I just looked at my sound settings JUST TO MAKE SURE. Yup, I had moved the slide bar all the way to the right (I think because I was having trouble with the bass sounding bad). So, if I was on a high horse at any point recently, rest assured that I have fallen clumsily to the ground.

one crossed off the list

I did the Jane Fonda beginner's workout from 1982! I used to do that one and the advanced one in high school, and I feel pretty good that I can still do the beginner's one with the same trouble spots as I did then. We'll see how I do on the advanced one...that one made me huff and puff and sweat a lot even in high school. I'll do the beginner's one a few more times. What I don't understand is how...hold on...at about 4:30 (4 minutes and 30 seconds) into the fifth part, in the cool down section, (the times might be wrong, I have an old computer, and a combination of that and maybe having a bandwidth issue or something, so it doesn't play smoothly on this computer)....I can't do that slowly for the life of me...never could. I can kind of fall from the legs over my face thing, but I don't have enough control or muscle power wherever that requires it. Also, at 3:51, "drop your knees to your shoulders", I don't have the balance.

Now for writing, reading, knitting, cleaning. Hmm...I should have put daydreaming on the list.

Tonight's Goals

I WILL exercise.
I will keep cleaning.
I will keep writing.
I will keep reading.
I will start knitting a new blanket.
I will take advantage of just me (wait, that doesn't sound right. Not that it's not true, but I mean, enjoy having alone time. oy)

eeeeeeeeeee

1. Maybe it's time to do some spring cleaning. Oh wait, it's still January.
2. I guess it's no wonder that I am so frustrated.
3. You want there to be a move. A move can not be made yet. You start to wonder if there even would be a move. You want reassurance because of doubt. You can't get reassurance for same reason as above.
4. Did this make sense? No? Good.
5. This is an outlet.
6. Has it really come to this?
7. Weird to become a groupie? Yes.
8. Holes need to be stuffed with things that fit so that they don't fall out.
9. just kidding.
10. no problem.

Sell Yule, ARRRR

I was able to get a $30 credit on my cell phone bill plus $10 off every month. That should help, but it's still too expensive.

Article from Wolfson College at Oxford

The entire article below was taken directly from
http://www.wolfson.ox.ac.uk/content/climate-change-in-India
"New research investigates neglected aspect of climate change in India

23 January 2012

India's informal economy and climate change A new research project, headed by Wolfson Emeritus Fellow Barbara Harris-White, will shed light on the neglected issue of the impact of India's informal economy on greenhouse emissions and climate change.

The three-year research project forms part of the interdisciplinary research being conducted by Wolfson's South Asia Research Cluster and is co-sponsored by the UK Department for International Development and the Economic and Social Research Council.

In India, two-thirds of the economy and 90% of all jobs are unregistered. Yet the impact of such informal economies on climate change has been largely ignored.

Combining policy, science and technology, labour studies, and other disciplines, Professor Harriss-White's research team will develop methods to model the CO2 emmissions from production in the informal economy, focusing on rice production and distribution.

Project leader Barbara Harriss-White said: "Informal economies have been largely ignored in the debates about climate change."

"We hope to develop new models that can be used to investigate the environmental effects of production and distribution systems that operate in the informal economy outside the reach of state regulation. We will also look at the impact on jobs of technology that is more environmentally-friendly".

Involving researchers from the Institute of Human Development, New Delhi; Madras School of Economics; Jawaharlal Nehru University and Jindal Global University, the project will engage with key stakeholders and communicate its results in India, the UK, and globally. This is planned through a series of workshops, and a website allowing others to apply their model to different technologies, amongst other means.

Professor Harriss-White will be discussing the project at Wolfson College with Dr Alfy Gathorne-Hardy at 5 pm on 25th January as part of the South Asia Work in Progress Forum. Full details

Further details of Professor Harriss-White's reserach and other interdisciplinary research projects are also available from the South Asia Research Cluster projects page."

awesome

I found the old Jane Fonda workout videos I used to do in high school. They're so dorky, and some of the positions are...interesting...especially in the later parts, but I'm totally going to do these again if for no other reason than nostalgia. YAY.

another picture

I must have been about 10 (??) years old--maybe younger, not sure. This was at my old house, with my first piano that was actually rented because when I asked my parents if I could get a piano, they thought it was just a phase. As it turned out, it stuck, and I gained credibility, which made asking for a clarinet the next year a lot easier. Anyway, after this piano, my parents bought another piano that looked similar, but I think it was a Baldwin. I love kinda everything about this picture! Great memories.

I found this quote

"The musician's art is to send light into the depths of men's hearts."--Robert Schumann

I'm looking through old photo albums...because I'm sick, I guess...and found an old piano program from 1988. Apparently, I was part of the National Guild Auditions, 5 Year National...I have no idea what that means, and in a recital, I played Sonatine (3rd Movement) by Gillock, and Ballade Pour Adeline by Senneville/Toussaint.

My favorite picture ever, I think

This is my cousins Lynn and Julie, and then my brother Eric, and me. We look like aliens, and it looks like Julie's picking her nose. Awesome.

Okay, I MAY have overreacted a bit

My brother reminded me that pneumonia is pretty common, and to get treated is the important thing. Although my mom is older, and that's why I got worried, she is now on antibiotics, and if she's not better, we'll make sure she gets to the hospital tomorrow. I hope she'll hurry up and get better though. I would like to go out and see her, but money would be an issue. Maybe I have some miles I could use or something...I guess I can't complain much about having a cold, although it is annoying.

Mom has pneumonia and practically no voice

and I'm scared and sad and hope very much she'll get better soon. :(
I'm such a baby about this stuff and immediately started crying after hanging up.

I feel like the worst person ever and such a bad daughter for not calling more often. I'm so fucking selfish until something goes wrong. I think I'm just overwrought with emotion when it comes to my family and it scares me to care so much.

who

Alright, who gave me their sick germs?
I have caught a cold. grumptastic me.

Best Laugh I've Had All Day

I am so in love with Terry Gross, and Stephen Colbert is pretty darn cool too. I am mesmerized every time she speaks...just brilliant.

The Colbert Report
Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,Video Archive

o ;pbr yjrdr@

my hands were over one.
Anyway, it's embarrassing how happy these videos make me.

Eek!

Apparently, I somehow left Jen's door unlocked when I left yesterday. But I locked both locks AND checked upon leaving. So I'm not sure what happened. I blame her cats: I think they distracted me.

so stupid...should be doing work

but Cosmo article "Are you Good in Bed" quiz seemed like more fun.
Result: Vixen on the Verge.
"When it comes to getting it on, are you supershy or a total seductress? Test your passion prowess."

so stupid....I'm not "on the verge."..how insulting. just kidding.

Stuff I Want or Need

a job
an apartment
savings
dark brown boots, size 6, low heel.
haircut at Art+Science
black leggings
new jeans
new shirts...red.
a new suit for interviewing
another coat...with more detail
go back to Rachel for more piano lessons
heart rate monitor (one that shows calories burned...does that exist?)
new running shoes
Jenny's treadmill
new computer...still a Mac
trouser socks
a new purse that I like
another bookshelf
a "God chair"...whatever those are called...the big ones to read in with lots of room and comfy...but that still supports sitting..
new desk chair..made for short people, or at least adjustable
smarter phone
doctor and dermatologist appointments

Another article about losing weight...from wiki.answers.com

All of this text is taken directly from http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_do_you_start_a_plan_to_lose_40_pounds_in_3_months

* Weight loss is all about creating healthy habits. To be successful at losing weight, you need to change your lifestyle and your eating habits. Adopting healthy eating habits together with regular cardio exercise is the best way to lose weight effectively and keep the weight off.

* Cut out anything containing sugar, or high fructose corn syrup, including breads, and cereals, all pre packaged junk that contains monosodium glutamate/hydrolyzed protein, including boxed "dinners", drink no milk, and buy bottled drinking water (store brand is just fine). You will lose 40 pounds by the end of three months. Eat all the fresh low carbohydrate vegetables you want and a few (but not too many) fruits.

* Eat well balanced diet, count you calories and carbohydrates, take vitamin and mineral supplements, cut right down on saturated fat but use beneficial fats, do of aerobic or cardio exercise, lift weights three times a week.

* Before changing your physical habits, or starting any fitness program, you may wish to obtain the blessing of your physician.

* I lost 40 pounds in about 6 months. Like other answers here, it consisted of eating right along with a weight training/aerobic program. Aerobics (bike, treadmill, elliptical) three times a week anywhere from 20-40 minutes per day (depending on my energy level). Weight training three times a week as well. There are many good books out there on weight training programs. The key here is to mix it up every 3-4 weeks and ease into the program. Many first time weight lifters injure themselves by doing too much, too quick.

* 40 pounds in 3 months is about 13 pounds per month. Most diet doctors recommend a weight loss averaging 1 pound per week, or 4 pounds per month. Losing weight slower means that you are more likely to keep it off, to lose fat instead of muscle, and to gain new healthy habits. Most of the people who lose large amounts of weight quickly are very obese, or regain it just as quickly. If you are dieting for a special event, even a loss of 10-15 pounds will significantly improve your appearance.

* Forty pounds in three months is too much. Aim for a loss of one or two pounds per week on a low carbohydrate diet. That way, you are not depriving yourself of calories and compromising your metabolism.

* In addition to eating correctly, you can do more to boost your metabolism for fat loss and increased energy. For example, proper strength training will increase lean muscle. Lean muscle is your metabolic furnace that will burn extra energy (calories) 24 hours a day. Moreover, adding muscle through strength training will enable you to eat more food and avoid gaining body fat in the future.


*
Cardio exercise will also increase the amount of calories your body uses during and immediately after exercise. Choose some kind of mild cardio exercise that you dislike the least and do it six days a week. Brisk walking is a good way to start. Walking for weight loss is very effective when done properly and it is sustainable long term. 'Brisk' means walking at a 4 mph pace. Slowly work up to that pace and then slowly increase your distance. If you want to use that form of mild cardio to lose body fat, you will need to average walking from 3 to 6 miles daily at that pace. Ideally (for maximum effect), walk before your first meal of the day. Don't worry if you are not able to do that, you can still achieve good results. You do not have to do your entire daily walking at once and you can split it up into more than one walk.

* There are some things that you can add to training to increase metabolism and get the maximum effect out of weight training and weight loss. Try to eat six smaller meals a day to aid blood sugar. This can give you more energy to work out. Also, your body has to digest the food more often and to do so it burns more calories. In addition, drink ice water at every meal because your body has to warm its core and that too burns calories. Train with the four main weight exercises for 6 months bench squat curls and military press. After the 6 months, you can add dumbbells. This increases your body's frame strength to handle more weight efficiently. In addition, eat protein before bedtime. It feeds your muscles during the night and more muscle means more fat loss. Also, be wary of having too much fruit. Fruit is fructose to the human body. It turns it into sugar and sugar is turned to fat. It is best to eat small amounts of fruit but you can eat all the non-starchy vegetables you want. The more muscle you build the more you can eat per day and still lose weight because muscle burns calories (even while you sleep). If you add some form of cardio every other day and weight training every other day, with one day a week off, and eat more on your day off to feed your body, you can turn the tide and get into great shape fast.


Read more: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_do_you_start_a_plan_to_lose_40_pounds_in_3_months#ixzz1kb6oXl4p

I love my brother

this is what he posted on FB today...

"Tales from the CTA Vol.2: Man wearing headphones loudly (and happily) singing the refrain: "Murder, Murder, Murder, Kill, Kill, Bitch" on a crowded train in sing-song. After the initial shock, it was kind of catchy. Now I have it stuck in my head. Nice. Worse yet - I'm not sure if there was music playing in his headphones...."

do re mi fa.....

anyway, I am going to get downtown hopefully by 5:30 because I just need to get out of here, but I have to shower first. Then, I have to figure out whether I'm going to go to pool league (thinking no), or go straight home, or go for a drink and then take the bus home. We'll see how I feel. Hurray to all those working folk: it's almost 5! although...never mind, I"m boring myself

one link

Frustrating Friends

Why do I tend to attract the most frustrating, self-righteous, demanding, stubborn, know-it-all friends? I love them all, but JEEEEEZ they can be annoying sometimes.

Can I handle a Goal?

I want to lose 40 lbs. Baby steps = 10 pound increments.
I suck at achieving goals though, but I'll try because the way I look now isn't how I'm supposed to look. Need to be in charge of my own meals and work out at least every other day...I've been told that that includes weekends.

Ah, Alone Time. Hurray!!

Long overdue.
Reminder to me:
tomorrow, Wednesday, focus group at downtown campus at 6:30.
February 7th, 5 p.m. grad school open house to get info.

Workin Workin Workin

but not so much because I'm writing this instead.
But at least I"m sitting at my computer as THOUGH I'm working really hard!
Can't go out tomorrow night, which kind of saddens me, but oh well. You can't always go out. In one hour, it will be HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JENNY!!! No puppy though...

Hi

I can't sleep. My schedule is so messed up.

WAAH

I want to stay in school. I actually succeed there. I have to do my financial aid exit interview, and I don't want to because it's going to be scary. I know what I owe already, and it's depressing, and to hear all about payments for the rest of my life when I'm not even DONE With what I want to do is scary scary scary. Maybe I"ll hide under a blanket.

Rigby the Daily Puppy

AAHH I want to hold him and squeeze him and name him George.
To quote "Despicable Me": "HE'S SO FLUFFY I COULD DIE!!!"

What a Beautiful Sunset today!

I hope you saw it.

Anyway, regarding the Keystone Pipeline, here is a link to an article about it. I don't disagree with Obama's decision. It seems like Republicans are so adept at keeping with their strategy that their ploys work. Americans hear the negative side of the President's decisions, and hook onto that, and decide/agree that Obama is not doing what he promised. The problem with the arguments against Obama in the case of the Pipeline is that ALL they are looking at is the immediate lack of jobs by not okaying the project. BUT, if you look at the big picture, you see that it will probably still happen, it will still create jobs, and the reason he rejected it was not because he wanted it built cheaper or whatever, it's because he was given an "arbitrary deadline" that was not a realistic amount of time to review it. There are serious environmental concerns that need to be figured out. I just don't understand why people don't see environmental issues as at LEAST as important as jobs and economic issues. It is absolutely crucial to change our ways regarding dependence on oil, climate change, etc. So, feel free to post an argument if you disagree.

I love it!

SOPA and PIPA put the burden on website owners to police user-contributed material and call for the unnecessary blocking of entire sites. Small sites won't have sufficient resources to defend themselves. Big media companies may seek to cut off funding sources for their foreign competitors, even if copyright isn't being infringed. Foreign sites will be blacklisted, which means they won't show up in major search engines. SOPA and PIPA build a framework for future restrictions and suppression.

In a world in which politicians regulate the Internet based on the influence of big money, Wikipedia — and sites like it — cannot survive.

Congress says it's trying to protect the rights of copyright owners, but the "cure" that SOPA and PIPA represent is worse than the disease. SOPA and PIPA are not the answer: they will fatally damage the free and open Internet.

Well, I think it's funny

For some reason, I think it would be funny to have a character that says to people who don't know him, "well, you know me!"

Morning Math

is confusing.

ARgh, Insomnia

+ Stomach ache
+ the yodeling song from the Sound of Music stuck in my head
- sleep
________________________
= annoyance.

Life is so confusing

OMG, I feel soo stupid! I started watching last night's People's Choice Awards unknowingly...it was just cued up. It started like the Big Bang Theory and then Kaley Cuoco -- who's on that show -- on the show -- got to host the People's Choice Awards. Well, then they kept going with People's Choice...I thought I was watching the Big Bang Theory. So I was like, "Why are they still doing this? This is so stupid." bla bla bla. Then I was told that it really IS the People's Choice Award. That didn't make sense to me. Now it all seems even more staged than ever. I hate these shows.

WWWWWWWWW

alking in a inter onderland!!!!!

Only I just woke up from a nap... shhhhh. lazy.
But I will walk, and now I get to wear my polka dotted boots!
YAAAAY.

I'm this many years old...

"Top Lady Players"

What a horrible way of saying it, but apparently I am eligible for a tournament for "top gals" in June. Again, horrible, horrible wording. (said in tone of Hildy in "His Girl Friday") Listen here, see, I just might play that tournament, and you can't stop me, so if you were thinkin' about it, just forget about it, you stinker.

Oh, woh, it's...

Ladies' Night.

I know I will get to play so that I can practice. Freeizzle dizzle.

awww, yeah.

hee hee

"I heard a joke today."
"Oh, that's funny!"
"Yes. It was."

SOPA Coverage

You’ve probably heard about the Stop Online Piracy Act, or SOPA — a bill in the House that could open the door to widespread Internet censorship.

Opposition to the bill has reached a boiling point. Millions of activists, hundreds of startups, social media sites like Tumblr, Reddit and Twitter and even big companies like Google, Yahoo! and eBay have joined with Free Press and other Internet rights groups against it.

This is one of the biggest tech stories of the year. Yet TV news has ignored it.

Sign our letter. Demand that the networks end their SOPA blackout.

A recent report from Media Matters for America shows that SOPA — and Protect IP, its cousin in the Senate — have received "no coverage from major American television news outlets during their evening newscasts and opinion programming."1 Among the offenders are ABC, CBS, Fox News, MSNBC and NBC.

A likely reason for the media blackout? The big networks — and their parent companies — support these two Internet-censorship bills.

This is what happens when the interests of big business get in the way of the need to inform the public and protect free speech. These same media giants are lobbying the Federal Communications Commission to loosen its ownership rules and allow for even more media consolidation — another issue they’ve failed to cover. If the FCC permits runaway consolidation, media blackouts like the one affecting SOPA could become even more common.2

Meanwhile, rank-and-file journalists are coming out strong against these censorship bills.3 And print media have run stories on them. Earlier this month New York Times columnist David Carr wrote that SOPA was "alarming in its reach."4 TIME, the Atlantic, Forbes and the Boston Globe have all reported on the legislation in the past week.

What is TV news afraid of?

The news directors of these networks need to be held accountable for failing to provide coverage of such damaging legislation.

Sign our letter demanding that the networks end the SOPA blackout. We’ll deliver your signatures straight to the news directors’ in-boxes.

Let’s demand answers right now.

Thanks,

Josh Levy
Internet Campaign Director
Free Press
SavetheInternet.com

1. Ben Dimiero, "News Networks Ignore Controversial SOPA Legislation," Media Matters for America, Jan. 5, 2012: http://act2.freepress.net/go/8047?akid=3191.9820847.6PWoAq&t=7

2. "End the Big Broadcast Swindle": http://act2.freepress.net/go/8066?akid=3191.9820847.6PWoAq&t=9

3. Tracie Powell, "What Journalists Need to Know About SOPA," Poynter.org, Jan. 5, 2012: http://act2.freepress.net/go/8048?akid=3191.9820847.6PWoAq&t=11

4. David Carr, "The Danger of an Attack on Piracy Online," the New York Times, Jan. 1, 2012: http://act2.freepress.net/go/8067?akid=3191.9820847.6PWoAq&t=13

he hee

I think it's funny when some job postings say something like, "proud to be EEO and a drug-free work environment." As opposed to those postings that say, "proud to be a heavy drug-using environment"...because that happens all the time. The funniest thing about a job interview that I had once was the interviewer, after showing me pictures of her wedding, mentioned a drug test, and I made a joke about 'uh oh', and she was like, "yeah, I was worried about that too, but it should be fine."

Sunday 1-8-12 yes

I did only 20 minutes of fat-burning dance video, but that's better than nothing. I hate the dance exercise videos because I have no rhythm OR coordination.

Then I ate a piece of chocolate pie. I need to learn more discipline!

Hmm, do I have anything intelligent to say? ... nope. bye.

Good Scents

Well, I just decided that if I could get custom-made perfumes made (or find somewhere), I would get a mowed grass-scented perfume (like the soap!...and The Gap used to have something similar, I think), and cilantro-flavored perfume. I love that smell. My two favorite spices are cilantro and basil. Maybe I'm just hungry. :)

Now, when should I go practice? On one hand, I should go almost every day, but what if distance really does make the heart grow fonder, and I'm always around? I don't want to seem overly available...tough line to walk just right especially given my ironic situation of being available while not being available.

DID I MENTION THAT I'M BORED?

I'm so bored.
boredboredbored.
I hate feeling lonely and like a loser and did you know that I have a problem with feeling left out? So, I feel like everyone must be out having fun with friends and people, and here I am all by my lonesome. I miss being in class. I miss having a job. I wish I'd feel loved by more people. I Feel like I'm the only one who cares and likes people and wants more. And I'm hungry. But nothing sounds good. Is this ennui? I think it is.

okay

online Scrabble it is.
Wow, I'm so lame.
Why is it that even self-proclaimed loners have more of social lives than I do?

breakfast for dinner

I feel like the smartest person alive because I put real blackberries on my english muffin because there is no more jam. WHY did I never think of doing that before?! Now I want coffee. It's a little late for that though.

Boredom sets in

Hi,

How are you?

I'm bored.

I don't have the car, and I don't feel like walking or taking the bus to go anywhere. I don't feel like getting any work done. I don't feel like watching tv. I'm bored of playing on the computer. Actually, I feel like baking. Chocolate chip cookies to be specific. Or trying that fudge that I ended up not having to make for Christmas because sis-in-law was already on it. hmm, no real baking stuff though, and I certainly don't feel like walking to Jewel. mmmmmm cooooookies.

Maybe I should get in one of those moods where you just indulge when you're home alone on a night that people are out (like a Saturday night). I could take a bubble bath, light candles, do a facial mask, polish my nails, and read stupid articles about love. hmmm, not sure if I feel like that either.

favorite breakfast!

I got a little of everything! blueberry pancakes done the right way (real blueberries IN the pancakes), scrambled eggs, sausage, and bacon. and coffee. a lot of food but yum!
And saw Dad and Pat and Eric, Jill, Noah, and Zoe. Even though I feel and look like a fat cow, I"m still happy. I love my family.

can't sleep!!

obsessing and worrying.

Good night

Sweet Dreams.

I'll be on the road in 8 hours for Christmas Part Deux.

Some of my Problems

1. I am stupid enough to expect life to be like the movies (I mean, I know better, but still, I kinda don't). For example, right now, I feel like the part of a movie where the jilted woman is home feeling sorry for herself eating ice cream and trying to stalk people online, but she starts to kind of enjoy it, but then the guy of her dreams shows up and surprises her and they live happily ever after.....but that last part doesn't happen.

2. I have really high expectations/am idealistic, and I see no reason to have to lower my expectations. I feel that people should rise up to my level of expectations. Why not? Oh, because I end up disappointed and cynical as a result. Nevertheless...

3. I oddly always go about life as if there is always or could always be a camera recording me for others to watch later. How screwed up, right?

4. When I'm with people talking, things just flow out of my mouth so quickly that I can't or don't really think them through. I was told by a couple of people that the neurons in my brain probably fire really quickly, so I flit from thing to thing really fast. But as a result, I feel like it's someone else having conversations with people (mainly when I'm really happy or really excited or really like someone...like on Wednesday.

5. As much as I hate attention from some people a lot of the time, I love attention from others all the time. I get incredibly uncomfortable if I'm getting attention that I don't want. But I love love love getting attention from someone I like and trust. As a matter of fact, if I don't get attention from these people, I'm like a baby all sad and hurt and rejected that I'm not getting attention. In college, I had a roommate say that she would always be the audience she knew I wanted. That was so sweet in some ways.

6. I am constantly wondering how I'm being perceived, what other people are thinking, what kind of impression I'm making, what I seem like, how I compare, etc.

7. I want to be best. I know better, but I can't stand when someone is better or closer with someone or prettier or smarter or more talented or whatever else.

8. I'm really scared of losing people.

9. I imagine things...a lot...and if someone doesn't act the way that I expect them to, or wanted them to, I get kind of upset.

10. One of my stupid big fears when I like someone is that I think that person likes me, and whether or not they once did, they no longer do, but I think they do...meanwhile, that person is having sex with someone.

11. I obsess. I worry. If something upsets me or upsets someone else, I can't let it go. I need it solved...quickly. I know I need to let things go, but sometimes I just can't. I don't like conflict at all.

Hmm...I have the clothes...

I put on my clothes to exercise...
now the question is: will I actually exercise,
or will I end up just wearing this to bed?

OF course, my hours are completely messed up today due to last night's insomnia.

I can't believe how forthright I am with my special friend. I feel so comfortable that it's like I would admit anything, but I have to remember that that puts people off sometimes. I hope that's not the case.

No Sleep

I never fell asleep. It's like I couldn't get comfortable. So...now I'm giving up for a while: drinking coffee and eating Corn Chex.

I really like this

Nerddumb

Really? Cosplay.com? Seriously? Wow.
I am enough nerd on my own. I do not need to go through the roof just by association.
Although the nerd Christmas tree is cool.

I"m soooooooooo not amused

You know what's not in the slightest bit funny?
the word "derp" and the whole freaking website dedicated to it.

Wednesday: Practice

5 p.m. I will be there, or I will turn into a square.
I hope there aren't too many people there.
I will also exercise.
I will also work more on manual.
I will wash the dishes.

Wasting Time

Do you ever read articles meant for the opposite sex? It's nice to know that men's articles are at least as stupid as women's articles. Anyway, I decided to do a few searches on menshealth.com Results?

Search: Love. 4 Results: "A Love for the Future", "I love you" (During a fight), "We wish we loved our jobs", and "Love Thyself."

Search: Romance: "No search results for romance."

Search: Sex: "Displaying 1-10 of 1000 results."

Please Comment Confidentially

If there is a problem person with whom you work, what are the most frustrating characteristics of that person? (bad listener? controlling? avoidant? passive-aggressive? ineffective?) Is there anything that would help in your opinion?

Please, please, please respond. I am creating a training manual for emotional intelligence in the workplace, and any feedback would increase the manual's efficacy. Thanks!