more

I can't stop thinking, and when I think stuff I want to record it in case I can't remember it later when it might be helpful..then if it's not helpful later, I can just delete it. So, one: I want to clarify some things: I think people think that if someone cries and is emotional and gets all hysterical-seeming at times, then that person is weak or feels bad about themselves (herself=me)...I don't. I just have the thoughts and feelings that other people drink and do drugs to avoid (I could be wrong..just an opinion). Also, I remember coming to the conclusion years and years ago..I don't remember when...early 20s maybe?) that other people are kind of a pain in the ass and really hard to please. sometimes I just please them because it's easier and deal with myself later. but if it keeps up, then I have to assert.

/today

I did Kenpo X exercise for almost an hour
I took SECOND skills test for possible job (interviews start next week)
I showered
and now I'm going to knit, and read.

9th grader's quote from "Freakonomics"

"I can promise you milk and cookies, but if the oven's broken, you might just get milk."

Rain Rain Come Again and Come Again Another Day

Have I mentioned that I love the rain?
It makes me happy
It makes me more confident
It makes me more content
it relaxes me
it makes me feel romantic
it makes me think of sitting under a big comforter with someone
it makes me want to run around in it
it feels like it's washing away everything bad when I'm in it getting wet
I love the noise of the raindrops against things
I love driving in the rain and turning off the radio so I hear the raindrops sloshing on the windshield
the rain makes me feel like everyone has more a sense of community than on normal days
cozy happy romantic

I like writing my random thoughts

I love having an outlet on here that I can easily keep track of rather than writing or putting into a word doc or something...somehow this feels freer. Putting into Word feels too much like I should be editing and polishing and being interesting, and putting into a journal feels like I should be more poetic or really emotional and crying or something. Like it's more of an emotional commitment; this however, has just the right amount of ...don't know the word, but I know what I mean...like that tshirt "I'm not responsible for my actions"...like that.

But anyway, I really want to see "Carmen" and I don't know why it's not playing at the Lyric Opera while I still get discounted student tix! I don't give a crap about Showboat. blagh.

call dad

about picking up love seat...maybe before Monday??

job front

well, temp agencies are becoming less and less ethical. Baiting and switching is unethical. Stop lying about all these job openings that are available just to get people to come into your office. It's obnoxious.

Two: are benefits weird when you work for a company as a consultant at another company? I'm waiting to hear back about such a position.

I would love to move by summer. As much as I would be a little sad, scared, lonely about the change, I really think it's long overdue to be on my own and regain some confidence.

What I Do....

in a sea of niceness, I find one or two things that could be construed negatively, and focus on those, and what was meant, if it was negative, why it was said/done, and I guess it's a way to keep myself from just relaxing and feeling happy and positive???

this one always gets me...someone talks to you about a group to which you belong (e.g. people at this place), and they make a blanket statement about people. When people say stuff like that to me, it always kind of hurts my feelings because I don't know if a.)it includes me because I'm in that set of people who hang out there, or b.) it does not include me because you're talking to me, so I'm a separate set.

Did Obama ‘Approve’ Bridge Work for Chinese Firms?

Did Obama ‘Approve’ Bridge Work for Chinese Firms?

Ohhh, the Oscars. OMG the Oooooscaaars!!

ugh.

who cares?!

who's she wearing? bla bla bla.

This is one time every year that I do not miss working in at the Sun-Times.
I was in marketing, and there was an Oscar's sweepstakes if you could properly guess the top 5. something like that...anyway, I got the lovely job of keeping track of all the entries as they came in...how many came in...who got the answers all correct...letting the winners know that they won...and sending out tax forms and stuff for the winners. There were thousands that came in..I'm not sure it was a good use of my time to count the entries just so they had an idea of interest. don't miss that.

"Remedial Movie Night"

I have been summoned to a "remedial movie night" for never having heard of some movie called "Tombstone." Does this ring a bell to anyone else? Apparently, everyone has heard of it, and everyone loved it. I can't imagine that this is true; I think my friends are nuts. But according to them, I'm the nutty one.

That's funny

“Republicans being against sex is not good,” the G.O.P. strategist Alex Castellanos told me mournfully. “Sex is popular.”

from Maureen Dowd's NYTimes article "Ghastly Outdated Party"

grudges?

I never have thought of myself as one to hold grudges; that being said...
I got a 'notification' in my email from one of those dumb stay in touch with people from your high school things. It was asking me to add this girl who used to make fun of me with her friends in 8th grade. I thought for several hours (in the back of my head) about whether or not to add her. I finally did...hesitantly. I still hate her though, along with Cindy, and Sue, and Debbie. Oh, and those two bitches who made fun of me in day camp when I was like 9 years old. Very mean people.

exercised

not tons, but I was finding that my guilt about not working out was harder than just working out. I wanted to take it easy though, so i walked around the block (too cold and slippy to go farther), and then after taking a drive, did about 35 minutes of fat-burning dance party, or something like that...that's not dance...not what I was doing!

Product

I'm finally done with draft of my final product for my independent project for school. Emotional Intelligence in the Workplace Training Manual. 30 pages. Zoiks, I didn't think it would be so long (that's what she said).

It's basically broken up into: Why Should You Care about E.I.?, When to Look at Your Own E.I., Knowing Your Own Strengths and Weaknesses, Listening, Speaking, Nonverbal Communication, Difficult People, People Pleasers, Stress, Boundaries, Questions from Others.

I forgot about this

aww, friends...

Snow Objects Flying Toward Me

This is on 90 this afternoon. It does not show how big the snow flakes were; they really were like snow objects--pretty cool-looking except that it was hard to drive and see. This may be coming our way.

Bla Lame

I only walked .8 miles for exercise today.

Insomnia is so annoying. I've had it for many, many days in a row.

Note to Self

Take Jenny's cat to vet tomorrow 8 a.m.
Lunch with Dad and Pat @ 11

Friday lunch noon Eric.

March 6-11th go to Arizona to help mom with packing and stuff.

Happy Birthday to Mom!

and Happy George Washington's birthday too.

I'm lucky to have such an amazing mom who I love a lot.

Finally exercised again

kenpo x. the part that says 'this is the elbows portion'...I wonder if I heard that correctly..elbows?! really?? but it hurt my obliques; I know I'm going to be sore tomorrow because I'm already sore! But if I can be happy with how I look, never have a double chin, wear smaller clothes, and not have so many wardrobe issues as a result, it will be worth it.

job search update

so, I took a skills test for a job I applied for last week. I didn't do great, so I was just happy that I hAd finished it. Today I got a call from the recruiter "following up." He asked how I felt about the test, so I told him honestly that the parts that I was familiar with were pretty easy, but the parts that I hadn't worked with stumped me a bit. His responses sounded like that is what he wanted to hear. He said that although my score was not as high as they would like for a candidate, he really liked my background, and I did quite well considering the fact that I hadn't done this type of work before and the difficulty of the test. So he asked if I'd be willing to take it again with the hopes of bringing the score up. Well, duh...of course. So, that sounds encouraging...like if I bring my score up he would like to bring me in for an interview. I still have a lot of questions about the position, but I will take it if it offered to me even if it is contract-to-hire, and I have no idea what the salary would be. Wish me luck.

Relaxation

I'm trying to relax by listening to Mindfulness Meditation stuff.
But I really want to take a bubble bath, but I need to buy a new bath pillow.
Then tomorrow, I'm insisting on having the day to myself, and then I'm not going out tomorrow night; I want the night to myself too. That should help my tension level.
I think I'm going to go to AZ around the 6th for 5-7 days. I want to go swimming in the sunshine.

got home early

still stressed about mom, work, money, apartment, etc, but it was nice to get out for a little while. Trying to share less rather than my usual more.

Call Mom Monday!

after looking up fares to AZ...cheapest=when I'm going to help.
No offense, but I'm not sure that my mom realizes how good my brother and I are, and how much we care and try. We often get the impression that we are selfish kids who don't do nearly enough in comparison to her friends' kids. I want to know what these "kids" (adults) do for a living that they can afford to be buying their parents' plane tickets, coming out at the drop of a hat, etc.

I know my mom is going through a really stressful time right now, and I really want to help her, and I really want to go visit her, but to kind of demand it with in the next couple weeks when she knows I have no money and have had difficulty finding a job is a bit unrealistic. Nevertheless, I want her to be happy, so I will do my darnedest. I just feel like I'm about at my breaking point where stress is concerned. I need to take more control of my life quickly!

ooohhhh....President's Day!

so tomorrow IS a holiday, right?
for everyone?
anyway, Jenny's coming over, which I wasn't happy about at first because I have a lot of stuff to do, but I think it will be good for both of us. Personally, I've been a real crab apple lately, and I don't like being like that. I think it's because I haven't seen enough friends. Things have been too stressful. So...too bad she's not a drinker. I still can't spend any money, but at least we can hang out for a while.

This drives me nuts

I can't stand the term "friend-zone." It's so stupid and wrong all around. I can't believe how stupid and annoying people are that things like this even become things.
1. it implies that being a friend is a bad thing. It's not.
2. it implies that once you're 'there', you're stuck there. You're not.
3. it's so obnoxiously arrogant, as though someone would even want to be your friend if you see things like that. he or she does not.
4. it implies that people who are in the friend zone are somehow less appealing, attractive, sexy than people not in "the zone." So very wrong.

Friends are the ones we should be aspiring to have relationships with. Well, now I'm getting ahead of myself. I guess everyone sees attraction and platonic friendship differently. Some people become friends with someone and can then become attracted to them. Some people, once they see you as a friend, can never see you as anything romantic. Some people, once they've been in a romantic relationship can never have any other kind of relationship with that person. For me, it doesn't matter what the relationship I have with you is: I either like you in a way where I'd want to date you, or I don't. That doesn't mean you have to be categorized and never move. I guess most people are pretty stupid, so they need to put people and things in neat little stacks that never change.

People who find this stuff asinine shouldn't try to assimilate. If it seems dumb and simplistic; ignore it because you can do better. If it makes a lot of sense...well, no judgment, but then by all means, you should stick to it and not deviate.

The Last Hour

Great news! I was productive without even trying: I was driving home on Belmont from LSD and there was a sign at a church. It said, "Your sins are forgiven." COOL! That was so easy. Here I've been trying not to sin my whole life. Anyone want to commit some sins with me now that we have a freebie??

THEN, I got home and decided to microwave a fast food cheeseburger from this afternoon. So absent-minded I am: After about a minute, I heard crackling like popcorn, and so I went to check on it assuming that it was done and the cheese was gurgling or something. There was a fire in the microwave because my dumb ass put an aluminum wrapper in there. oi. I've never done that one before. Scary and sooo stupid. So I had been thinking about driving to Oak Park to see my friend, but perhaps I should just stay in where I can't hurt others.

Something I posted to another of my blogs a few years ago

Still interesting to me. Still confuses and irritates me.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007
What Atheists Can't Answer..by Michael Gerson
WashingtonPostArticleFrom2007

Gerson asks, how would atheists answer how we decide between good and evil instincts? He says that although people have a quality that makes them want to be good, separate from religion, they also have an instinct to be cruel, selfish, full of rage, etc. He says that atheists can't reply to the question of how we choose between good and bad by saying, "follow your mental wiring", or "respect your brain chemistry" because it would also be rational for us to reply with, "To hell with my wiring and your socialization, I'm going to do whatever I please." This is where I feel that his argument begins to fail and gets a little lazy. Isn't there a strong possibility that anyone--atheist or theist--could say to hell with it, I'll do as I please? Of course! Most of the "bad" people that I've met have been pious. He says, "Atheists can be good people; they just have no objective way to judge the conduct of those who are not." I don't believe that good and evil are that black and white; they are subjective...even for people who are religious, each religion has its own ideas about what's good and bad. So religious people also have no objective way to truly judge others' conduct. (as opposed to atheists, they just THINK they can) Gerson's last 2 paragraphs make absolutely no sense to me; he must have been on a tight deadline or something...he comments that for theists, a desire for love and purpose and morality and harmony and all that is perfectly understandable because that's what God wanted for us. He then states that for an atheist, this desire is a cruel joke because it's destined for disappointment. It's not just atheists that are going to be disappointed about the cruelty of life; the most religious of the religious will be disappointed too because shit happens...to everyone.

Hardly any exercise today

just walked a mile..not even in your shoes...

Low Electricity-Usage Thursday

it was a success for almost five hours. I didn't use anything except the bathroom light about three times. I shut down my computer, turned off all the lights, turned the heat way down to 60 degrees so that it wouldn't turn on, and when I made pb&j toast, I did it on the stovetop. I just used candles. Fun. I should do that more often.

I'm Enacting Low-Electricity-Usage Thursday

So, I can't afford to go for a drink, so I'm going to stay home and try to make it energy-efficient. Don't make fun of me. I looked up computer usage, since I'll most likely (like now, for instance!) still use my computer a lot:

"How Much Electricity Does a Computer Use?" Ehow By Sarah Rigg eHow Contributor

"You may be curious about how much your computer use adds to your electricity bill each year. This largely depends on what kind of computer you have and how you use it. Concentrating on heating and cooling issues in your home is more likely to save you money on your utility bills, but there are a few ways to make computing more energy efficient and reduce your monthly payments for electrical use.

The amount of electricity a computer uses depends on the kind of computer. A desktop computer generally uses more electricity than a laptop, and Macs tend to use somewhat less electricity than PCs. How old or how new your processor is, and how fast your processor is, also will affect how much electricity a computer uses. Newer processors tend to be more energy efficient, but slower processors also use less energy than fast processors. For example, a desktop PC being utilized heavily may use 250 watts per hour, while a Mac laptop running less power-intensive tasks might use less than 100 watts per hour. To determine how much wattage a specific model of computer uses, you can check the sticker by the power supply, read the supplemental material that came with the computer, or contact the manufacturer.

Another factor that influences energy consumption is what you're using the computer for. Surfing the web tends to hog more energy than typing up a document in a word processing program, for instance. Similarly, typing an email tends to use less energy than playing a graphics-intensive game online.

How many hours per day you actively run the computer versus how many you turn it off or put it on standby also will affect how much energy it uses. In standby mode, a typical desktop computer may use less than 10 watts per hour as opposed to more than 200 watts per hour if it's engaged in heavy use.

To conserve energy and reduce your electricity bills by a few dollars a month, you can choose more efficient components such as LCD monitors rather than CRTs. When you're planning a computer purchase, you can also look for an EnergyStar sticker. The EPA awards this designation to computers that use less energy compared to other computers of a similar type. Every additional piece of peripheral equipment you turn on-- such as speakers, printers, scanners and so on-- increases energy consumption, too, so it's best to leave them turned off unless you're actively using them. The best way to prevent the waste of energy, though, is to set your computer to automatically go on standby after it has been idle for a while-- typically 10 to 15 minutes.

You may have heard the myth that it takes more energy to turn your computer off and on than to keep it running all day. This is not true for computers or for most other major appliances in your home. Modern computers usually take two or less minutes to boot up, so any time you will be away from your computer for 15 minutes or more, it makes sense to shut it down or have it go into standby mode..."

Solid Argument for Getting a Drink?

Environmentalism
Hear me out: so, if I stay home tonight, I will spend several hours playing on the computer, and I will have at least the light in the office on as a result. Also, I will probably turn the heat up because I'm sitting on my ass for hours on end, so I'm bound to get cold. Not to mention all the water I will use while I finish washing the dishes, and god forbid, if I choose to shower! the horror.

On the OTHER hand: if I go out for a drink: I will turn the heat DOWN for several hours. I will turn my computer off (I usually don't bother, but I will); I will not use any water; I will turn off the light, and I will not use any gas because I do not have the car; I will be either walking two miles (this argument works for weight loss goals too!), or taking the bus.
-------------------------------
update: I don't know, then again, I can't really spend any money, now it's getting dark, so it will be colder, and I could just turn the stuff off, ugh...now I don't know what to do!

Thoughts?

Courting the Conservative Voters

Oh my gosh: I read this article and just realized how much it sounds like some sort of romantic advice column. I didn't know "courting" particular voters was meant so literally. I mean, this covers everything from 'he just seems so distant', to 'maybe we just care more than he does', to 'well, even if his words come out wrong sometimes, his heart is in the right place.' This cracks me up; I never noticed it before, but now I'm going to look out for it. Maybe this will get me interested in this political race that, up until now, has been way too frustrating for me to pay much attention to. My theory so far: Ole Mitty the Mitten is playing hard to get because he learned from his pals that that makes girls crrrrraaazy! They'll just want you more--trust us! You'll have them eating out of your palms!

Other things I learned in the article: Ann Coulter just "had to seek him out," and John McCain--who didn't play as hard to get--would "regularly invite journalists" to party in his tour bus. slut. Oh, or maybe he's actually homosexual: "And he enjoys friendly interactions with television hosts like Sean Hannity..."

We'll see how this plays out. Personally, I have no interest in such cold-Ken-doll-like type of guys. I'd rather go for the intellectuals who charm me with their dry wit, interesting conversations, and romantic walks on the...oh, never mind...like that dreamy Barack. SWoON!
Dear Abby or Fox News

exercise 2-15-11

about 30 minutes, which I could barely make myself do.

Grrrinternet

Do you think in ten or twenty years there are going to be linguists studying the language used to communicate-- that will by then be in full form--on the internet?

This language will be considered very interesting in that it will be seen as a huge step backward for humans and closer to a realistic option with which chimpanzees could communicate. What was once known as "words" will only exist on the rare occasion when an abbreviation or initialism has not yet been discovered.

This is not to mention the field day linguists will have testing chimpanzees with the phonetic spellings and pronunciations that will be in use. (I don't know if I'm using phonetic correctly here. What I mean is this: when people make up a word based on the sound of the action they are trying to describe...what's that called again? ... like swish...hold on, gotta look it up...yes! Onomatopoeia.)

Worst Melodica Player Ever

so embarrassing, but funny. I'll use this as a comparison later--for my weight loss, and my melodica playing! (sorry for the clutter on the bookshelf behind me: I've since straightened that out. Also, sorry for the very end. I think it's funny when I get to a part that uses a few octaves, and you can tell I hadn't thought that through, and I become visibly confused as I figure out how to handle it. Smoooooth.

Motivation

"Nicole,

This is going fabulously!!!!!!! Your content is clearly presented and very logical in the analyses. The one suggestion I would offer at the moment is to be sure to connect what you present to how you will apply this knowledge to the creation of your “product.”"

heartstrings

I just googled my aunt who died of breast cancer in '97 because it's 5 a.m., and that's what I'm supposed to be doing, right? and I came across this article about her:
Annella Shapiro

I would totally break into tears right now if I was in the mood, which I'm not, but still, it puts a lump in my throat to be reminded of this. I loved my Aunt a lot, and I wish I knew her better; I think we may have had a lot more in common than we realized. I have a lot of wonderful memories of her, and I just really feel horrible that my Uncle and cousin have not spoken to me ever since her funeral even though they both are in the city. Now, I want to see if I can find any pictures of her online.

4:44 a.m. update

1. I'm not sleeping very well...making a lot of mistakes.
2. I hope I can either get out of playing pool tonight or play early and get out because I really need to get a lot of work done.
3. I'm halfway done knitting my first hat ever. So far, I don't quite see how it's going to become a hat, but hopefully if I work on it tonight, maybe I can finish it or come close.
4. I am proud of myself for finishing my proofreader's/legal assistant...whatever it was called...skills test for a job opportunity yesterday (still feels like today). It was harder than I expected because it was hardly any proofreading, but a lot of formatting and stuff. I suck at stuff like inserting cross-references, tables of contents, and styles in Word. blagh! I yelled at the computer several times with far too much anger.
5. Have a nice day!

Nicole and Second Boyfriend

This is a picture of me and my second boyfriend Marty at my high school graduation in June, 1990 (Note: the glasses were for show only; he didn't wear glasses. too funny.)

Nicole and First Boyfriend

This is a picture of me with my first boyfriend Scott M. in...1988, I think. On the back of the pic it says it was taken at CC Cycle to celebrate Eric's Birthday. (that's where he worked, and it was July.)

exercise

Jane Fonda Beginner's Workout...about 30-35 minutes. a couple minutes of advanced one because I should do another ten minutes of exercise.

February 12

Isn't this Abraham Lincoln's Birthday? I should double-check. I know George Washington's birthday is February 22nd because that's my mom's birthday, but I always thought my Aunt Annella's birthday was the 12th because I thought my mom and her sister were both born on Presidents' birthdays, which seemed kind of cool, but I think my aunt's birthday was actually February 16th.

Perspective

Sometimes it just takes hearing a different perspective to wake up and realize what you are doing wrong. If you get too caught up in your own thoughts (check), even if you think you're being realistic and thinking of other people, you may not be because it is going through the self-centered filter. So if other people are not living up to your wishes and expectations, try thinking of things differently--from their perspectives--and they might not be acting so disappointingly.

It reminds me of some music. I never think about a song or like it particularly, but then I hear it *differently* and suddenly I gain an appreciation for it, or maybe I even start liking it. (e.g. a lot of the music used by Girl Talk. This is also a good argument for free music or sampling. True, it may seem like stealing or taking credit for something that is not yours, BUT it also gets people listening to, and maybe even liking, music that they otherwise would never listen to or like.) So, I may not like a person that much, but if I look from that person's perspective about how I seem...I'm not that likable. I act uninterested, uninteresting, and not very approachable. When I don't like people particularly, I guess I don't care much about seeming like that, but 1.) that is my error and weakness, and 2.) maybe if I thought about this, and put in some effort, I'd feel differently. When things get complicated, and what often keeps me from putting in effort, is when I think I'm having a revelation and think that this will really make things better, and think I'm being a better person...try with somebody, and then they just end up hurting my feelings, not putting in effort, or just being an asshole. Then I'm like, 'hey, why'd I try?' complication.

I think this is a good thought.

exercise

okay, today (Saturday) I did 40 minutes of P90X Plyometrics.
...Aaaaand then I went out for dinner and had chocolate cake.

(it might have been 2006 that was Grandma's 100th??) better check.

Uncle Dick, Karen, Craig, and Grandma

Grandma Alice Parker at her 100th Birthday Party in Oct, 2007

Uncle John, Aunt Sandy, and Aunt Nancy at Grandma's 100th in 2007

Typical Dad! about 3.5 years ago at Grandma's 100th Birthday Party!

Noah--November, 2010

I see that I desperately need current pictures of Noah!!

Zoe (left)

Dream

I had a dream last night that people were giving me the cold shoulder and telling me that I wasn't pretty. One very nice girl in the dream offered to write up tips on note cards to give me about how to look better.

I know I had that dream because of how I felt last night. I understand not looking thinner after two weeks, but looking fatter?? no fair. I just expect to look in the mirror and see the same me that I've seen my whole life, and I don't. I see some really ugly creature with weird marks all over her face who's fat, who has gray hair, and needs a haircut.

Breathe.

I got through TMobile support without trying to kill anyone. Most impressive, I must say.
Good news is that I got an email from a place that I applied for a job regarding "next steps." I need to take a proofreading test and send it back to them. It seems like a joke to me that in the instructions it says, "The exercise exists in 3 parts:

- Instructions in Word format
- The Word document with which to work from
- A PDF of how the exercise should look upon completion"

Maybe part of the test is to fix the wording with which they choose to use prepositional phrases in... ha. Wish me luck. I should be able to complete within 2 hours.

T-Mobile Sucks

T-Mobile Sucks
T-Mobile Sucks
T-Mobile Sucks
T-Mobile Sucks
T-Mobile Sucks

Their online chat support feels like I'm teaching a baby in a different language how to give me a root canal, and instead, the baby just keeps hitting me in the head with a hammer...or something...I don't know.

Thursday the 9th

I did 40 minutes of Crunch Fat-Burning Pilates or something like that.
I hurt my thumb walking out to plank position.

Here, Kitty Kitty Kitty...

I wish I had a cat. He would SO enjoy this ball of yarn.

I don't want to exercise tonight.
I can't figure out which one I can get myself to do.
The problem I've always had in the past--and by problem, I mean that I never felt like I was losing as much as I should--is that I don't work out enough days in the week (I think.) I would do 3-4 days a week. Well, I've heard from several sources that you need to work out more like 6 days a week. And I'm scared that if I push my luck by doing 5 days, pretty soon, it will go back to 3-4 days.

A Poll That No One Will Ever Answer

Which is more annoying to say:
Asking This: "What are you doing with that spray?"
or Answering This: "Spraying."

and to think that I wouldn't have known this show existed

Let's be honest, it's not that great. It's the Alright Wall of China.

Idiot Abroad

"Chicken: Why is it orange in China Town?

not much exercise today

just walked 1/2 mile...leisurely.
too late to do more.

ah HA HA. I was wrong!
I had accepted only doing that little bit, but then I felt a little too guilty, so I did Crunch Cardio Salsa. It's so dorky, but hey, I stayed moving for 38 minutes and sweat a little. (do you say sweat or sweated?) I need to look that up. And I skipped the late night sandwich and beer that I considered having.

Whooey Zooey

That's not how you spell Zoe, fyi...
Anyway, I have just been informed that Zooey Deschanel's character on "New Girl" is totally like me, or I'm totally like her. Whatevs. Anyway, at first, I just laughed, but then, there was an episode where she used a feeling stick, and chased around her roommate trying to make him talk about his feelings, and maybe I am a lot like her.
Stupid, stupid sitcom, but kind of funny too...

ow. ow. ow. ow.

I was tricked last night into thinking that stretching felt good. I am even sorer today than I was.

I just thought something:

(hold your applause to a minimum, please)

Even though it's not a word, "stupider" rhymes with "Jupiter."
Thank you, and good night!

50 minutes of stretching

That doesn't sound right. P90x Stretch X workout. I didn't feel like exercising, so I figured stretching was better than nothing. It' feels so good afterward; I'm way relaxed and ready to go to bed soon. Some poses feel like my body shouldn't be doing that. hah.

Mom's Wisdom

"If you're hurting, you can bet that you're also growing."
"You have all the strength & courage you need, just look within! "

Yay, Youtube!

I finally found a video that taught me how to do a perl stitch. I can knit normal, and my Grandma taught how to perl when I was about seven years old, but I needed a refresher...go figure.

omg

some people are just comically weird.
on a side note: I need to learn how to more gracefully do the hug/kiss hello thing with friendly acquaintances. I never do it right. Kinda like how I often miss when going for a high five. OH, and ^_^ hee hee kitty.
Nice to be chillin with my own bad self. Sometimes it's nice to go out, but it's so nice to get home. Whoever is reading this, have a happy Monday.

Puppy Bowl Sunday!

Woof!

I can't find the one with the train that is my favorite

Wallace and Gromit

Compatibility Among Personality Types

Me: Negotiator. Funny that it finds that negotiators and directors are likely to choose each other. No wonder I often end up in relationships with computer dudes and engineers.

SO ARE YOU TRULY COMPATIBLE?

In a study of nearly 30,000 people, Dr Helen Fisher has confirmed her belief that
serendipity has nothing to do with love — it is our biological temperament that steers us towards a particular personality type as a romantic partner. Her study found:

* Explorers are most likely to pick other explorers and least likely to choose directors.
* Builders are most likely to opt for other builders and least likely to settle with negotiators.
* Directors are most likely to choose negotiators and least likely to fall for builders.
* Negotiators are most likely to choose directors. Female negotiators are least likely to choose explorers. Male negotiators are least likely to choose builders.
* Statistically, explorers often have a tough time long-term with other explorers (these sensation-seekers are more likely to divorce).
* The safe, loyal builder/builder combination is probably responsible for most of the world’s 50-year marriages.
* Directors are tough-minded, direct, decisive, focused,
technically skilled and competitive — all traits many negotiators need. On the other hand, negotiators are socially skilled, talented with words, mentally flexible and compassionate — traits many directors need.

Weird

I took the Chemistry.com quiz to see what personality type I am and who I'd "connect" with, I came out "Negotiator" with 33% and then Director at 26%, then Builder 23% and Explorer 19%. Negotiator is pretty much dead on. As far as Director goes, as I read it again, I don't think it's like me at all, so it's weird that I scored second highest in that one. Here's the description of Negotiator and Director:
"What's Your Love Type?
By Helen Fisher, PhD

The Negotiator
Negotiators have specific personality traits that have been linked with estrogen. Although estrogen is known as a female sex hormone, men have it, too, and there are plenty of male Negotiators. As the name suggests, this type is superb at handling people. Negotiators instinctively know what others are thinking and feeling. They artfully read facial expressions, postures, gestures, and tone of voice. Their interest in identity extends not only to others but to themselves. So they are introspective and self-analytical—men and women who take pleasure in journeying into their thoughts and motives. As a result, when they form a partnership, they like to delve deeply into the strengths and weaknesses of the relationship.

Not only do Negotiators connect psychologically, they also have the ability to remain mentally flexible. When they make decisions, they weigh many variables and consider various ways to proceed; they see things contextually, rather than linearly—I call it web thinking. As a result, they tend to be comfortable with ambiguity. Negotiators can be highly intuitive and creative. And they like to theorize. Perhaps their most distinctive characteristic is verbal fluency, the facility for finding the right words rapidly. With this skill—alongside an agreeable and accommodating nature, compassion, social savvy, and patience—the Negotiator can be very friendly, diplomatic, and authentic.

But as with all qualities, these traits can warp. Negotiators sometimes become such placators they appear wishy-washy to the point of spinelessness. Because they're not willing to confront, they can turn to backstabbing. With their need to examine all the possibilities, they can get bogged down in rumination as opposed to action. And in a relationship, their desire to connect and dissect all the subtle meanings between the two of you can become cloying and invasive.

The Director
Specific activities in the testosterone system are what distinguishes this type. Again, although we think of the hormone as male, it is shared by both sexes, and there are many full-blooded women Directors. Whatever the gender, people of this type are competitive. They strive to be top dog and have many skills to get there. They are pragmatic, tough-minded, and most notably decisive, able to make up their minds rapidly, even when faced with difficult choices. Rational analysis, logical reasoning, and objectivity are their core strengths. They also pay attention to details and can focus their attention to the exclusion of everything around them—an ability that enables them to weed out extraneous data and progress on a straightforward path toward a specific goal: the solution. Many Directors are also ingenious, theoretical, and bold in their ideas. Moreover, they are willing to take unpopular, even dangerous paths, to get to the truth. So they persist and often win.

Directors are particularly skilled at understanding machines and other rule-based systems, from computers and math problems to the details of biology, world finance, or architecture. They excel at sports, and often have an acute ear for all kinds of music. Their interests can be narrow; but they pursue them deeply and thoroughly. And they can captivate those who share their hobbies.

Placating leaves the Director cold. He or she often chooses to do a good job rather than please others. In fact, Directors are the least socially skilled of the four types. When preoccupied with work or personal goals, they can appear aloof, distant, even cold, and are generally not interested in making social connections, with the exception of those that are useful or exciting to them.

As with the other types, the traits that make Directors so successful may become grating: For example, their confidence can veer into bragging, their exactitude turn uncompromising, and their forthrightness simply seem rude. And because they often see issues in black and white, they miss the nuances of social, business, and personal situations. But thanks to their dedication, loyalty, and interest in sharing ideas, Directors make close friends. And they can be fiercely protective of those they love.

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/omagazine/Find-Your-Love-Type/2#ixzz1lIS5zstN"

Paid for by Obama For America

I totally support Obama as our President, and especially given the options for a new President, completely support him for a second term. I think people were unfair for putting him on a high horse from the beginning, and as a result, have had unfair and unrealistic expectations of him ever since. When someone challenges himself or herself to break out of the mold, people are quick to criticize--no matter how great of a job the person has done. Sure, he kind of screwed up by not being stronger in his choices while he had a majority in the house and the senate, and he hasn't done exactly what he promised, but hey, who does? I think he's done way more than people realize. Anyway, this is a letter from Caroline Kennedy that was paid for by Obama for America. Since I was also a huge fan of her uncle, I like this letter and thought I'd share so that people could be reminded of some of what has transpired in the past four years.

"Nicole --

Four years ago today, I joined my Uncle Teddy and thousands of excited students at American University to endorse Barack Obama as the next president of the United States.

Barack Obama had stirred something in young people and the young at heart. I saw the passion in my own teenage children, and I heard it from a different generation of people who said they felt like they did when my father ran for president.

We felt strongly that we needed to elect a president who urged us to believe in ourselves, who could tie that belief to our highest ideals, and who understood that together we can do great things.

Four years later, as I think about what first inspired me to support Barack Obama, I'm proud we have a president who has fought hard for the values Teddy held dear, and stood up on issues that matter.

Will you join me by saying what first inspired you to stand with Barack Obama?

http://my.barackobama.com/Teddy

Teddy understood that the challenges of health care aren't political -- they are personal. That's why he fought for 40 years to make health care a right and not a privilege for American families.

How proud he would have been to see his candidate sign the Affordable Care Act into law as president, giving all Americans the security of knowing that their health care will be there when they need it most.

In his speech four years ago today, Teddy reminded us all of that bright light of hope and possibility that shines even in the darkest hours. He knew that with Barack Obama as president, America would shine again. I don't think he would be surprised to know that four years later, this president would have ended the war in Iraq, repealed "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," and guaranteed women the right to equal pay for equal work.

The 2012 election will be harder than the last. As you think about what role you can play this time, I want you to remember that when Teddy joined this campaign, it wasn't just Barack Obama who drew him in.

It was you.

The possibility of a campaign run by ordinary people determined to change our country for the better and willing to work as hard as necessary inspired him then, and it's what inspires me today.

Thanks for all you do.

I'll see you out there,

Caroline

P.S. -- If you'd like to take some time to watch that speech, it's here. "

(I remember that speech, and it was a beautiful and inspiring speech.)

Holy Jungian Significance, Batman!

Second night in a row last night that I had a dream about people being taken prisoner.

Possible Reason

So...I have never been successful at making friends. People generally need to want to be my friend and initiate in order for a successful relationship of any kind to form. Maybe that is because I have trouble with boundaries. Do I? I try not to, and I often feel like it's not my issue, but other people's issue, but I'm sure a fair amount of the time, maybe it's my issue. Hmm, for example: I think I'm getting closer with a person or with a group, and so I get comfortable and treat them like my friends instead of being on guard. I maybe open up a little (or maybe it's not that: maybe it's still being uncomfortable, and therefore, trying too hard, and therefore, making people uncomfortable). Then, I cross a line and act a little too..whatever the case may be...others seem uncomfortable, or I get uncomfortable thinking they're uncomfortable, and then I back off again and get more insecure because I don't feel liked and I feel like I failed. It's confusing, and I'm just trying to sort it out. It's like, how can I trust people or a person if we seem to be getting to know each other more, and I open up, and then they aren't receptive? That makes me unable to trust that we're getting closer because when I try to get closer, I'm kind of rejected. Just something for me to think about..
When does it become appropriate to do various things? Why on earth do I feel so socially inept? People like me, so why do I have so much trouble? I know I often want too much too quickly, and I know that sometimes I have a tough time letting things progress naturally, and I tend to push them unnaturally (not on purpose), and so those are parts of my problem.

But wait...there's more! So, it's relatively likely that this is as much other people's issues as it is mine. I love to get close to people whom I deem worthy (that sounds obnoxious, but you know what I mean), but I know a lot of people have a really hard time trusting people and getting close to people. But if someone is a good person, trustworthy, and eager to be a closer friend, who wouldn't want that? Why? If only people responded on this blog so that all my questions were not rhetorical. So, it's either that people don't want to get close to anyone (very easily), or they don't want to get close to ME. If it's the latter, it must mean that there's something wrong or undesirable (more than others) about me.

Like tonight, (last night now, I suppose) four of us were all joking around, and I made a somewhat risque comment, and everyone got all uncomfortable and stopped talking, and then spent the rest of the night kind of making fun of/teasing me about my comment, and how it's fun to watch me sweat, or however they worded my discomfort so flippantly. Isn't that hurtful? And then, stupid me, I tried to send a message to another friend who is only becoming more of a friend, just like them, I guess, and so it was a double-wammy of rejection because I probably made that person uncomfortable too.

Regarding One of My Previous Posts

So, in one of my posts from a day or two or three ago, I posted a bunch of Jane Fonda workout videos. The last one (5 or 6) has a cool-down section and I was wondering why I have trouble going from the position to sitting SLOWLY. I did the workout again today (two days in a row: that's almost momentum!), and I think it's my big fat stomach that keeps me from being able to do that gracefully. Embarrassing. So how long until my stomach gets a little smaller? I swear my neck already feels thinner; that figures. My toes are probably thinner too, but never mind my waist, stomach, butt, hips, and thighs. Oh, you WANT those to be huge, don't you? NO!!! I wish I saw people I liked more often and people I didn't care about less often.

My first time

Last night I had my first political bad dream. I know that sounds like the beginning of a really mundane joke, but seriously. I've never had a dream about politics before, and it upset me so much that I woke up shaken.

Mom's Status Update Email about her Pneumonia

"I am going through the coffee drive-thru-yay! Coughing better this a.m. but feel shaky but I think each day is a bit better. Neighbors have been good about “drop-offs- I FEEL LIKE A LEPER FROM OLD Christian TIMES WAITING FOR A BITE BUT NO ONE CAN SEE ME OR TOUCH ME AND I HAVE MY MASK TO HIDE BEHIND! Creativity not stifled."


I love my mom so much.