Too honest

I sometimes slightly wish that I wasn't so honest. Seriously, I may have the most devious intentions, but when someone actually asks me something, out comes the exact truth....generally. My supervisor here asked, 'so, how's it going?' and I said, 'well, I'm worried I'm working a little too slow.' Seriously, Nicole?? Why would you bring that to someone's attention? Plus, maybe then I wouldn't be such an open book: two people today (one homeless person on the street, and one person walking down the hallway at work) told me basically that I look sad, and I should cheer up. (I get that a lot, and I'm not sad at all; that's just the look on my face when nothing's happening...well, plus when I'm bored senseless.) When I was at my brother's for Yom Kippur, I did a total faux pas too that I've been obsessing about. There were a couple of couples with kids and my brother and I all talking. My brother asked if I saw bla bla bla..whose birthday was that day. I said, "oh, the really cute one?" The parents of "the other one(s) shot each other a look. Too late to back pedal, but D'OH!!! I mean, their kid was super cute too, but it just came out wrong. Well, I think I'm going to leave 15 minutes early, so I should go spend ten minutes getting ready to leave, so it's practically time to go right now (just like I have the morning time trick, I have the afternoon time trick).

I don't like the phone

I don't like having to make phone calls. That's the majority of what I'm doing now at this job. It's amazing how much I am procrastinating; that's not good. It's drudgery. Because I'm making calls to CA, now I'm working 10-6. I can handle coming in later; that's nice to get an hour more sleep, or at least time to chill for a while. See, this is me procrastinating.

Breaking the Fast

I didn't fast, but I went to my brothers for the "break the fast" get together for Yom Kippur. I'm stuffed. I am told to try applying to mental health worker positions at hospitals.

sigh

residual happy mood from last night. I had such a nice time, and it's making me happy today. I need to go back soon to practice what I learned. I may not be able to go until the weekend--not sure. Even though there is lotion here, my hands have been crazy dry from washing them maybe too much. or just the change in weather. Anyway, back to work. It's nice to say that! Bye for now.

Oh yeah, annoyance factor

I remember what annoys me about working...listening to people. I am taking a break from working to fool around for a few minutes. I was eating lunch, and there were people eating birthday cake. This girl goes, "ice cream birthday cake at work: hashtag happy day." SHUT UP! So annoying. Then this guy says to this other guy, "You tappin' out, buddy?" ARGH! Okay, that's enough messing around; I probably shouldn't get carried away and play Words With Friends or anything. As it is, I will need to delete history after coming here. Not that they probably couldn't still see that I was posting...shut up, Nicole...I'm babbling because the work is so monotonous. Alas...

Mom and Zoe 9-23-12

Apparently, Zoe spent part of her 8th birthday at Mom's place! Mom's being her usual perfect hostess self!

Meow!

YAY

Today I FINALLY had my first and only comment asking if I have lost weight. That felt really nice.

First Day Back to Work in Too Long

I made it through. It's a really boring job. Hopefully, I'll be more relaxed with each day there. I still need to look for permanent job. They didn't tell me it's in the Mercantile building...high enough for nice views.

Frontline on Syria

I would recommend Frontline's show about Syria. It was really depressing and scary, but interesting. I still feel confused, but here is more information that they provided in addition to the show. Syria

Positives

I got a temp job starting Friday for three weeks. I had lots of fun today going to the beach by myself. It's great to stare at the waves in the lake when no one is at the beach. I couldn't make myself leave because it was so relaxing. I just stood there on the edge for like 20 minutes. Then this nice older gentleman came and started talking to me. Sweet. I went out tonight and had fun. I won my match.

Onion

article

Yet another example of the "decline of civilization"

Idiocy It's a stupid ad anyway, but the fact that it bothers some people makes it seem like an article from The Onion. I almost couldn't finish reading it because it's just so asinine (may have to go on my asinine news blog). Best worst line: "I ain't no freaking chimp." If you are outraged over the idea of evolving from apes...there is just no hope for you. I am speechless.

This week

(Warning: I'm speaking off the cuff, so this may not be very eloquently stated) My "assignment" this week is to go out, have fun, trust myself, and not worry about how I'm coming across to people. Seriously. That doesn't sound too bad. The last three week, aside from a few glimmers, have been absolutely horrible where my mood is concerned. I don't think I've ever felt as bad as I've been feeling. But if I'm around people (especially ones whom I like), it makes a world of difference. When I'm the most down is in the morning and by myself with not enough to do. I desperately need a job, more to do, and friends. Also, I need to trust in myself and that people like me. I always feel like I'm constantly being tested, and one wrong move, and I'll lose people. So I'm going to try hard to trust myself more. This week: it doesn't matter so much WHAT I do, just that I have fun and kind of let go. Therapy. Also, I just got an interview at another temp agency tomorrow morning. They have some "exciting opportunities"--we'll see. Jenny and I are going to go look at some apartments together later in the week. I haven't wanted to have a roommate when that time comes, but maybe it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world for a while. But she wants to stay in Oak Park; I'd rather be in the city..but again, I should keep my options open. I could save more money sharing rent.

Discouraged

can something please go my way soon?

Obama's Way by Michael Lewis for Vanity Fair

I haven't read this yet, but I intend to in the next 24 hours.

I only have myself to blame

If I can't sleep tonight, I'll know it's because of my current snack: coffee ice cream with a cup of coffee.

GET TO WORK, ME.

I wonder if there is a study about what time is best to submit your resume for a job. Middle of the night? Early morning? Mid-afternoon? I've tried each of these; I want statistics.

hee.hee.hee.

I snuck into Riot Fest to see the tail end of Iggy Pop and the Stooges. I'm glad I did; that was fun. That was my punk rock move for the day. I also walked by earlier to hear Elvis Costello and the Attractions and some other band. I love Elvis Costello, so that was cool. I didn't have much to do today.

To Read:

"Interventions: A Life in War and Peace"

I'm so glad that Kofi Annan exists and does the work that he does.
I don't know if I'll get more confused or less confused reading his book, but I'm sure it would help my understanding to a certain extent.

Charlie Rose Rocks

His shows are so amazing. I have about ten of them Tivoed, which is great. The problem is that I'm also daydreaming, so I keep having to pause it. But anyway, The show all on science is really interesting. There is a guy who talks about creativity. He just said that if you interview second graders, 95% of them will say that they are creative. That number keeps going down...if you interview high school seniors, only about 10% will say they're creative! Sad. Okay, back to the show.

Jammies

It's time to chill; maybe watch some tv or something. and daydream.

Think Happy Thoughts!

I've really been feeling fearful, tense, and sad lately. Keep those thoughts at bay, and be happy! Think pleasant thoughts until this mood passes because it's horrible.

Thinking, Not Sleeping...from last night

I think when someone gives too much without getting enough in return (in whatever form: acting the way you want them to, or not just receiving, but also giving), then there is a finite supply. Someone can only give so much, and whether it's that person's fault, or others' fault that that person is not receiving is irrelevant: it will eventually end because no one is capable of only giving. The problem with people who don't insist on getting a little too (for example, always giving in during arguments), is that they are building up resentment over time, and if they don't express that somehow in small bits as they go along, they may just one day vanish because they can't take it anymore. It is much easier to deal with conflicts little by little. More later because this doesn't make sense.

Trying to get stuff done

Two rejections for pool team, and one maybe: waiting to hear from others.

Mood sucks

today

Never mind the hair

Early 1990s. Dad, Nicole, Mom in kitchen.

You mean there's a better method than trial and error?!

Scientific American article. (It still bothers me that Scientific American doesn't go more in-depth about the science in their articles. If not them, who??

thinking...

about the fun stuff.
I had so much fun last night because I just love so much when I can connect with someone. What I mean by connection is this: I was able to completely be myself. There are levels to being oneself, but I mean, I could really say how I feel, what I'm excited about, my thoughts, and he got it. He really seemed to understand in a way that told me he didn't just understand but felt a fair amount of it himself too. I think. I can't tell you how rare it is that I find someone that I can relate with like this, and it's like gold when I find it. Only better. It will only be as cool as I think it is if it was similar for him. I hope I related with him and really understood him: I felt really in tune with what he was saying. I felt like it would be fun to talk so much more. I feel like I need someone strong and protective in my life: I want to rest my head on his chest and just stay there for awhile. I even had a dream about it a couple nights ago. I mean in the nicest way that I want to kind of protect him too. Not that he needs it, but he kind of does. He is very strong, and such a beautiful, kind, giving person, and that is just why he deserves to have someone take care for him. How can I help him to not be so troubled by stuff? How to not get so bothered when other people don't live up to their potential, and so on. I'm going to have to think on that. I am realizing that one has to be pretty strong in her sense of self to be close to him; he expects no less. It's such a compliment really. More thinking...

Friday

Quick interview for temp job. I was the only one chosen of three for interview, so I should most likely get it. 4-5 weeks, not a lot of pay, but a lot better than nothing.

today

I am useless today.
I have several phone calls to make, and all I can do is keep thinking about how I want more of last night.

11:45 Wednesday

Lunch with Eric

possible temp job

I just got called about job using SQL for a 4-week temp job. I've never used SQL, but they said they'd train, and it's probably pretty easy. I should hear tomorrow.

Next Thursday

9-20-12 6-8 p.m.
Adler School of Professional Psychology
Information Session

too much money!

Is there a good reason that to get your PsyD (doctorate in Clinical Psychology) costs almost $200,000?! I think not! No wonder even people who are in successful careers are strapped down by student loan debt.

YAY Obama!

That speech was amazing. I actually teared up like four times, and I'm never affected like that...not with politics! I actually started crying just watching Michelle Obama walk onto the stage in the beginning and give him a hug. The part about the 2008 election not being about him, but being about "you", and that "you" made that change happen..something like that...so beautiful. And the thing about America not being what can be done for us, but what can be done by us. Very similar to "ask not what your country can do for you..." speech. I haven't watched all of tonight speeches--just that one, and Joe Biden's. I was right about Elizabeth Warren and Nancy Pelosi giving speeches---Warren's was great. Pelosi's, not so much. Oh, and Bill Clinton's was wonderful! I loved that he actually EXPLAINED stuff and didn't dumb things down like politicians so often do. AAAnyway....bye for now.

I'm such a nerd

I can't sleep; partially because I'm trying to guess who the speakers will be for the next three days of the convention. I figure one of the Clintons would be a good guess, obviously Joe Biden, but who else? Some sort of celebrity, right? Didn't Oprah speak in 2008, or no? I think Al Franken would be a good choice..maybe Kathleen Sibelius? I can't remember the economy chick's name...just looked it up...Elizabeth Warren...she might be good...maybe not charismatic enough though. A Kennedy already spoke...although I could see Caroline Kennedy speaking, but again, wasn't she in 2008? Who can YOU think of? I'll keep thinking...I guess I haven't been paying enough attention.

I KNOW how to spell my name!

Almost every time I type out my name it ends up being Niciole. except that time of course--I had to go back and add it!

DNC

I know I'm biased, but I thought those speeches were a million times better than the first night's speeches of the RNC last week.

"Opportunity is not free: we have to invest in it."--Julian Castro
And the thing Michelle Obama said about when we walk through that door of opportunity not slamming it shut behind us. I liked that one too. And Ted Strickland was great, and Rahm Emanuel was good, and the governor of Massachusetts--I can't remember his name--his was really good too.

What are your thoughts?

no job

I didn't even get a second interview for the job I thought I had in the bag. I was really looking forward to it, as it seemed like a decent fit. I thought my interview went well. I've been having a really hard week to two weeks. I want something to go my way. (That's not to say that there were not some positives along the way...) AND tonight I get to watch the beginning of the Democratic b.s. speeches! YAY. Those should be much more tolerable. As Jenny says of me, "This is my friend..she's one step to the left of Lenin." ha. ha.