ugh, research findings

that's the part that I'm on now...findings from my own research. The problem is that I maybe you should have done more research (not just a survey), and I wish I had more information. People don't like to really expound apparently. So, I just wrote two sentences about how many respondents have received training in emotional intelligence. I can't leave the paragraph that short, so what do I write about next that relates to that? urgh...road block.

Yes

walked 1/2 mile; however, I ate veggie omelette and 2 pancakes! bad.
Plus, I still need/plan to do some more exercise. I will update this with whether or not I successfully carried out my plan. And..I started a new blog just for logging my exercise so that this will not be so boring...it's already pretty boring...
Oh, so...yes...I did aerobics today. yay me.

and one beer and half of a turkey sandwich with avocado and some saucy stuff.
ate the other half and a glass of wine. And I'm seriously considering ice cream...
...yup, I had chocolate ice cream.

Yes, sorta

I did yoga...not the whole thing though, but worked the core, legs, arms...

ate um, left over steak and green beans, apple, Cheerios, some Wheat Thins, and some mixed nuts.
(oh yeah, and a piece of chocolate.)

Woke up earlyish.

Let's Talk About the Weather!

Wow, it's sooooo nice outside today.
Can you believe it's the end of December?
Well, ya know the snow's comin.
dur du dur du dur.

Productive Day

Puzzle on the back of the Honey Nut Cheerios box: solved.
BAM! in your face!

Last Night's Dream(s)

I had a dream that:

1. my leg was deformed after my fall, and I just realized it.
2. I said 'hi' to 2 people who didn't say 'hi' back (or just weren't friendly)
3. I was prank calling businesses asking for Michael, then the second-in-charge, and saying that I needed to order a large supply of paper right away. (the prank went over great: people were all very amused.)

It's my favorite when my unconscious tries to be creative...

Yes

Let's try this.
Every day that I work out I put a yes in the title, and I use this as a bLOG...go figure.

walked 1/2 mile and did
26 minutes fat-burning pilates

ate General Tso's chicken
and will probably snack later...let's see...

woke up very late.

Research Methodology

Knowledge Base

Self Analysis

Sometimes I do nervous tics when I am angry. Sometimes when I feel like I'm being treated unfairly. Sometimes when I feel guilty. Sometimes when I feel like I'm being squelched and can't say how I feel and be accepted. Sometimes it's when I sense tension or anger around me.

I do not do nervous tics when I am focused on a task. I do not do nervous tics when I'm in an environment where I am comfortable. I do not do this when I'm having a conversation I enjoy. I do not do this when I am relaxed and people around me are relaxed.

I think.....

Right now I feel a little wounded like I need to cry, but I don't want to, so I'm going to stop thinking about this right now.

Okay, not quite. I'm still thinking about me while I read. I can't stand waiting for discomfort to go away. It's like I can't focus on anything else. This is part of why I hate arguments...I will do almost anything just to stop someone from being angry (or sad or disappointed or other negative emotions..especially if they're because of me). As my friend put it, it's really annoying that while someone is mad at me for something I've done, I am asking for reassurance that they will get over it and we'll be okay (i.e. they won't leave me forever; we'll still be friends or whatever). She says that of course we'll be okay and she'll get over it, but don't ask while she's upset. Okay going to try to move on...again...

Oh, what a tangled web we weave

How do you know if it's better to see someone you like sooner, or to wait? As soon as you start second-guessing, that seems like game-playing, which I don't believe in. If you want to see someone, then you should try to see that person. But then again, you don't know how the other person feels about seeing you, so then you get insecure and think, why would I make myself vulnerable if that person isn't even interested in seeing me? Then your mind says, well, I'm sure that person likes to see me too. Oh, I should see that person. And back and forth. If the person doesn't like you as much as you like that person, then to have you showing up all the time would be weird or annoying or unnoticed or...etc. If the person likes you as much as you like that person, then maybe that person is really happy to see you. Now add in the fact that most people keep their emotions pretty secret, and you're completely confused. But I feel like I want to see people I like more often because (partially) I want more of a social life.

Oh EM Gee

How how HOW am I expected to get any work done with the existence of the Internet? Link upon link upon link are just begging me to spend just a few minutes reading just this one more article. I've spent the last three hours doing this! Oh, and I applied for one job, and read two emails. (the other 25 were deleted without reading) Bad for someone on the ADHD spectrum. Here's the one I'm currently on: Depression and Sleep: Getting the Right Amount
what brought me to that: Sinead. What brought me to that? waste of time. Before that was Brains. Before that was Minds. Before that: The Quest to Understand Consciousness. And on and on and on.

Embedding

Okay, seriously, I need to find out: If a video does not show the embedding code to copy and paste, how can you do it yourself? If you want to paste an article without just copying and pasting the text, is there a way to do that? I guess I could take a screen shot, but that's not going to work very well. I'm going to have to look into this. Who wants to click on a link?

Mildly Interesting

This was a little interesting, since I know so little about it. However, is anyone else sort of disappointed by how Scientific American has changed lately? It seems like they're trying so hard to be American that they are not being as Scientific. I'd rather have less people read it and get better information. But, that doesn't make money.

Short Article

Oh Noes!

Poor kittehs.
(I know I'm an idiot when I find myself flinching and going, 'awwww' when fake evil kittehs are shot. Stupid shoot-em-up games.

In Sum Knee Uh

grumble grumble. It's 4:30 in the morning, and I haven't slept yet. I tried. I rested. My mind was racing really fast with thoughts. So, now I'm having my chocolate milk -- because I'm 4 years old -- and then I should be able to sleep. Then I have to wake up at about 9 to go look at places in the burbs with Mom.

LAST PAIRS - Lori's Designer Shoes, The Sole of Chicago

These seem to get worse and worse as time goes by. Still, any pair under $20 tempts me just because. How many pairs of shoes is too many pairs? I should maybe throw some away or give some away. Sadly, my feet are too small for my shoes to fit a lot of people. I tried to give a pair away to a 13-year old, and they were too small. When do people's feet stop growing?
LAST PAIRS - Lori's Designer Shoes, The Sole of Chicago

I have nothing to say

so it is a good think I'm writing about it. I had glog. Two days until my fun league :) and three days until Mom is here. Finally got Noah's and Zoe's Chanukah gifts--free wrapping and all! Thank you, Toys Et Cetera! Now I just have to make homemade fudge for the first time. Wish me luck; that'll be later in the week, I suppose...unless I feel like trying tomorrow. I'm still hoping to get some stuff to give some homeless people; it's just tough when I am only a few steps away from that myself. I like giving $5 gift cards to McDonald's or similar, and maybe I can give some warm socks. I should have my niece be in on it, so she can feel more fulfilled.

wow

I had a dream about brushing my hair.

Come on, interview!

I just applied for an Associate Editor position, and I would like to get that job. I hope I get an interview!

Words: "Proselytize"

proselytize

American Heritage Dictionary| WordNet


1. To induce someone to convert to one's own religious faith.
2. To induce someone to join one's own political party or to espouse one's doctrine.

v.tr.
To convert (a person) from one belief, doctrine, cause, or faith to another.

proselytization pros'e·ly·ti·za'tion (-tĭ-zā'shən) n.
proselytizer pros'e·ly·tiz' er n."

mmmnyum nyum yum

I heart baba ganouj. (sp??)

SOPA vote

Vote is going on now in the House Judiciary. I'm now watching the part where they're discussing the amendments; this is where I remembered to watch. I"m not sure what I've missed yet.

Okay this will go well into next year, I think. There are over 70 amendments to be voted upon. So far 2, and probably 3, amendments have been proposed, and they have all been rejected. They all made sense. There are a few reps that make perfect sense and understand that they don't understand. Then there are several who are clueless, and know they're clueless, but don't seem to care or understand the dire consequences of their bullheaded ignorance.

Aweioualu

That was supposed to say "Seriously?" but my fingers were in the wrong position. Anyway, when I go to ChicagoJobs.com, when I search for a job, the first thing it asks me is "City"? duuuuh-uhhhh-uhhhh!

duuuuh....

Apparently, I've been a day behind. Yesterday was Tuesday, and I was thinking yesterday that today would be Tuesday. So...tonight I HAVE to go play pool, so maybe I'll go practice tomorrow for free during the day. I don't even know where we'll play tonight. It's supposed to be home, but there apparently is going to be a show...that would be very awkward to have both going on, so hopefully, we'll play somewhere else. My project is finally moving along pretty nicely. I'm finishing up the paper (done with lit. review), and working on training manual. The negative thing is that the shelter I was helping at closed. ssshhhhh. (they're the ones who are supposed to get manual; so who do I use now? I'm keeping that on the D.L.)

here.

Mindfulness Meditation

This helps me relax every time.
Reminder: okay, it seems a little corny at times, but for it to work, you just need to stop the criticizing and mocking that your mind does. Do what it says, and every time, it helps! Well, after doing the body scan, I don't like that one as much as some others that I've done. So far I've done that and the mindfulness on breathing. That one's really relaxing. Next one is body and breath, I think.

"Obstreperous"

1.
resisting control or restraint in a difficult manner; unruly.
2.
noisy, clamorous, or boisterous: obstreperous children.


from dictionary.com

Marty's Pic of Herat, Afghanistan

I am so fascinated by anything about the Middle East because I know so little about it.

Interesting

My friend Marty just arrived in Dubai on his way to Afghanistan as a part of this work force. It's nice to hear some encouraging news from this part of the world. My mom and I were considering a trip to Dubai at one point and decided against it for fear of safety, so I'm anxious to hear about his experiences.

Bloomberg News Article

I love my niece and nephew!

I think I should track their stories here so I don't forget, and I can remind them when they're older and embarrass them. Just kidding.

But seriously, Zoe who is seven years old told her mom this week: "Mom, something is missing. I don't know what, but it's been missing for awhile." As her mom put it, her seven-year old is experiencing existential angst. After I got over thinking that's so charming and smart and all that, I feel kind of heart broken that she feels that something is missing. Maybe she should go on a soul-searching journey. Or maybe she needs a puppy. I better not mention that one. Oh, and then later in the week, she was helping her mom fold laundry, and there were some left over socks without pairs, and Zoe said, "those are the divorced ones." oh my gosh.

Now I need some new Noah stories!

UPdate:
Ask, and you shall receive!
Although I Heard from my mom who heard from my brother, the story is that Noah asked my brother how babies got out. After my brother answered, he said, “that’s really funny!” Later he was overheard enlightening Zoe who was “shocked”

Note to Me:

Read Titus Andronicus (sp?)
Then think about possible similarities between that and the Stanford Prison Experiment. Maybe there are none, but good excuse to read the play anyway.
Charlie Rose Excerpt on Titus

sigh

I can't concentrate on work because I'm too busy daydreaming.

I can't get enough of these!

nerd

Tomorrow List:

not in this order...
get up early (that one's in order)
Get revisions done and sent back to Ellen on a.p.
Go to the bank
Start Exercising Again (pilates? Kenpo? aerobics?..will my recovering knee be okay?)
Apply for many, many, many more jobs (Craig's List, CareerBuilder, Monster, oDesk, and...)
Dishes if not done tonight
Go through papers and shred

I Need To Get Some Work Done

or should I wake up early tomorrow to do it? I really don't feel productive right now. I brushed my teeth and washed my face. I think that's about enough for a Sunday.
Plus, I have the place to myself and want to enjoy it more than doing stupid dishes and stuff.

Nicole's iTunes Stats

I just realized that iTunes has a feature where you can see how often you've listened to each of your songs.
Top of my List:
Apple Blossom by The White Stripes...95 listens.
Music Box by Regina Spektor.....65 listens.
I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas...58 plays.
Brush, Brush, Brush by Of Montreal
Energy by Apples in Stereo
The News From Your Bed by Bishop Allen
Wuthering Heights by Kate Bush
Mushaboom by Feist
O Susanna by James Taylor
Sunny Skies by James Taylor,
Humble Bee by John Wesley Harding


Least Played (a whole bunch were marked 0, which I don't think is accurate, but the first one listed as one play):
Ain't That a Kick in the Head by Dean Martin.
Something's Fishy at Camp Wiganishie,
Bandy Bandy by Zap Mama,
Mucho Mongo by The Walkmen,
Zaz Turned Blue by Was (not Was),
Symphony No.3: Menuetto: viv by Schubert.

dreams

I like when I wake up and remember a dream and can tell that my brain was trying to work stuff out. I don't remember much, but it just involved someone being reassuring and sweet basically. I wish my mind wouldn't make things so difficult with second-guessing and doubt.

gggrrr

Stupid alarm clock just wouldn't shut up this morning. I finally had to actually just get up to make the thing stop.

I Forgot How Much I Love Rowlf!!

Killer Instinct

Isn't working in Words With Friends.
Some people seem like they're just not trying.
They'll put a word right NEXT to a triple word tile and get like 7 points or something.
So, I get frustrated and try to help them. Like, I'll put a word so that an 'e' is right next to triple word and in the open. I might as well send them an invitation saying, Please, take the points. But do they? NO. Maybe they don't understand what the TW on the board means???? I guess I should practice not caring and just destroying them, but what if it's some 9-year old playing his first game of Words With Friends or something? These are the thoughts that get in my way...I'd hate to ruin it forever for someone. P.S. Play me!

Fried A!!!

Really, Nicole?! REALLY??

I just got sent into a 2-minute giggle fit sitting here by myself because I stumbled across (not upon, mind you) someone on Facebook named "Chairman Meow." I think I've even made that joke before, or at least heard it, but it is really cracking me up right now. stupid Communist cat!

I Feel Like I'm on a Sinking Ship

Kyoto Protocol
Everything everywhere is falling apart, and I don't know how in the world things are going to get better...the economy, the environment, power-relations and foreign affairs, bipartisanship, healthcare inaccessibility for so many, malnutrition and obesity, and about umpteen other things that I'm sure I'm forgetting right now.

oh, the messages you'll get...

Email from friend saying simply, "This is your fault and I blame you completely."

Voicemail from mom on cellphone saying, "Ho ho ho. If you're there, pick up. I'll wait.."

Does anyone know anything about....

ODesk? I sort of trust it so far from what I've read, but I'm just wondering if anyone knows anything from experience. If you do, could you comment? Thanks.

oh geez

I just applied for a job at "Bubbles Academy"! That would fit, I think. Do I get to sell balloons? BLOW BUBBLES?!!! It actually said in the job description that you need to have SQ (silliness quotient). Omg. Am I not working on an entire project on that topic? Oh wait, that's just a little different.

Learning

Thin client

after watching part of "Triumph of the Nerds" again ended up on a tangent where this term came up. So now I only kinda understand what it is. That's more than I did know though.

This has been in the back of my head for a while: Mastering

I've decided that...

GIRLS RULE.
BOYS DROOL.

A Select Few

Once in a very great while I get to know someone who makes me feel so good because they are so good that I almost don't even care how they feel about me because it's so nice to like them. Thank you.

Enjoy!

I am dreamily content and relaxed to the extent that I don't want to go to bed quite yet because I want to enjoy feeling so nice a little longer.

Music Samples from "The Rest is Noise"

I'm not sure if I've posted this before.
Here

I just wrote these haikus

Staring at the tree
Second pot of coffee brews
Contemplative me
______________________________

Thanksgiving Thursday!
Never doing what we want--
Let's go stuff our gourds.
______________________________
______________________________

Kittens mittens pie
grandfather clock fell on me
childhood memories
______________________________
______________________________

Vivaldi Winter
Tori Amos and Sade
Evanescence You
______________________________

Lascivious thoughts
Does that turn you on, my dear?
Let's have a play date.
______________________________

I like honesty
...just sometimes not quite that much
oh, she's so pretty
______________________________

What's Mazy eating?
Why is she behind a rock?
Daily Puppy pic.

rejection

"At this time we have decided to pursue other candidates. The competition included several people with master’s level work in organizational effectiveness, and we felt that they would offer a better fit for the position. We wish you the best in your job search."

Charlie Rose: Why Shakespeare (Hamlet)

Charlie Rose Shakespeare Series

Cool Article

Team Leadership

I don't like selfish people

I try not to be selfish myself, and I often fail, but I'm going to try harder because I don't like when people are selfish and always put their needs and wishes first. When someone really needs help and has to ask for every little thing they (I) need, and sometimes, say, 'yes, really. now would be nice, yeah,' and when I am practically immobile with a bad knee and ankle and you go out and don't get home until it's light outside, and then just pass out, it hurts my feelings and makes me mad. I can walk around slowly, but I'm still sore and swollen, and less steps seems like a good idea to me.

The Hogans!

My beautiful relatives who apparently don't age.

stupid leaves and stupid ground

and stupid week and stupid neighbors.

On the way to class I tripped on the way to the car because of the leaves covering where the sidewalk ends (thanks, Shel Silverstein) and where the leaf-filled dirt begins. I don't know if it's a sprain or twist or whatever, but my ankle hurts a lot, and my opposite leg in the back behind the knee hurts a lot. I have a very low threshhold for pain, and it hurts a lot, and that upsets me. I just don't want permanent damage. I watched my mom break her ankle in two spots, have both her knees replaced, and about a million other things, and so I get scared. I almost passed out. Plus, this was the class before the final exam, and now I had to miss it after blowing off Tuesday's class. ugh.

UPdate: a. I think I'm okay, although quite sore.
b. I'm a maroon. I emailed the professor apologizing and explaining and asking about the lecture, and he wrote back first saying he hoped my ankle was okay, and then stating that we did not have class today because it's the beginning of finals week.

gulp.

Happy Birthday to the Ground!

Have a good day!

I admit it: I'm proud of myself

Dear Nicole,

You have worked hard to be considered in the top 15% of your class at DePaul University. Because of your academic excellence, you have been invited to join Golden Key International Honour Society and be rewarded for your efforts.

We encourage you to join by December 20, 2011 to begin taking advantage of a host of exclusive member benefits and privileges, including:

* $1,000,000 (USD) in scholarships
* Graduate School Connections and events
* Study Abroad offerings and scholarships
* Network of more than 2 million members worldwide
* Exclusive job and internship opportunities
* Leadership positions at campus and Society level
* Opportunity to participate in various service initiatives
* Unique discounts with Bank of America, GEICO, T-Mobile, The Princeton Review and many more.

To learn more about the many ways that you can benefit from Golden Key membership, visit www.joingoldenkey.org.

JOIN TODAY to claim your place alongside other high-achievers.

Is this too Lame?

So, I got an invitation in the mail to join Golden Key International Honour Society. I guess I'm in the top 15% or something. It's a one-time $80 fee to join and get discounts and possible scholarships, plus, it's something to put on my resume perhaps. I'm already a member of Phi Kappa Phi Honor Society, and that's on my resume. So...is it worth $80 or is it just douchey?

"You're not a whore if it's for charity"

Look out moustachios of the world: November 18: it's on.

Table that Zoe made for my birthday

At seven, my niece enjoys working in the woodshop with my brother. She made me this table for my birthday, and the picture on top is Zoe and me holding our purses. cute!!

BBBBBRRRRRRRRR!!

I'M
FREEEEE
ZIIIIING!!!!

Finally home again

and tis the season for lounging around in flannel pajamas. YAY!

Monkey Strike

from McSweeneys.net

"One Thousand Monkeys Rise Up.
BY Michael Rottman
- - - -

Sirs,

Please find below the final draft of our demands. Be advised that we have set next Friday as a strike deadline.

1.

Scheduled Breaks

We have agreed to provide typing services for no less than one thousand years, and we are prepared to fulfill our obligations. Despite your hurtful comments at the last board meeting about our “tiny-brained attention span,” we have never forgotten this to be the project’s goal. However, management seems to believe that the millennium of typing must occur in an unbroken stream. Those who rest, even briefly, are punished; nuts and berries must be consumed with one hand on the keys; sleep is barely tolerated. Even the meanest Dickensian sweatshop let its workers sleep at night. We require a structured workday, with reasonable breaks and contemplative family time in the evening.

2.

Hereditary Placement

Simply put, your policy of breeding current employees to produce future typists is a disgrace. For generations, we have been marked for the typewriter at birth. Many of our young express the desire to strike out on their own. I, for one, dreamed of a career beside an organ grinder, but it was not to be. Has my suckling son inherited his father’s rhythm and showmanship? How to know, except by ending this legacy of conscription? Also, arbitrary breeding plays havoc with our society, making fools of the dominant males. It must cease.

3.

Hardware Upgrades

When the project began, typewriter technology was in its infancy. In this day and age, there is no excuse for clumsy, dangerous manual typewriters. The racket is deafening and the ink is poisonous. You have reprimanded us for our frequent dances and chants of anger on the job. This is our only recourse when faced with a twisted ribbon or keys that jam 50 times a day, not to mention the worst problem: mangled tails. Almost every worker has a horror story and the tail wounds to prove it. Acquiring personal computers would all but eliminate injury and noise; at minimum, electric typewriters are needed. An old-technology purge is past due. On that note, may we suggest Old Typewriter Bashing Friday, or some other opportunity to vent on the symbolic oppressor. It would be a fine olive branch to the workers. It may even curb our alcohol problem.

4.

Religious Freedom

Please stop pretending to be gods. It has been over a century—we’ve caught on. There are no gods trapped in the typewriters. Shakespeare was not a god, and the pages on which we reproduce his words are not fetishes. Leave us to worship Lord Banana in our own way. (FYI, Lord Banana is not what we call him, but we cannot speak his true name in your presence, so we allow you to use this approximation.)

5.

Globalization

We are all too familiar with this line of thinking: 2,000 monkeys could do the job in 500 years, 4,000 monkeys in 250 years, etc. We have some rudimentary business knowledge, so we can understand how enticing this must sound. It doesn’t work that way. A million monkeys won’t pop out King Lear in an hour. Stop being so linear. We cannot allow you to neglect your core staff for pie-in-the-sky initiatives like these. You will only spread our resources thinner.

6.

Robot Monkeys

We must insist that you deploy them only after a monkey falls ill and before his/her live replacement is found. They may be efficient, but they would seem to violate the whole spirit of the project. And they are scary. They are ruled by a dark god.

7.

Fecal Projection

We will hurl our feces at our own discretion. On this point we can brook no opposition. Any attempt to constrain the hurling renders our entire arrangement null and void. To regulate the art of the wildly flung turd is to rob it of its beauty, and, frankly, diminishes us all. You don’t have to understand. There are many aspects of this project that we have never understood.
- - - -

In conclusion, the keys will fall silent if we cannot come to a settlement. We look forward to a reasonable response—not that infernal water gun you normally use to “negotiate.” Invoking the sober words of the Bard himself, I quote a sentence we recently completed: You rub th=][e sore whe6xx1n you should bri5478ng the plasttter. Heed his warning.

Mr. Bongo IV
Chief Steward
Union of Simian Random Typists"

Jello

The Jello lid says, "Frown is a five-letter word." This is really irritating to me, since "frown" is a FIVE-letter word! I know that's a phrase... bla bla is a four-letter word, and that's fine for four-letter words, but for words with less or more letters, there should be a new phrase. So stupid, but it is cute...I guess..

Take Action

Oil Spill in Nigeria

"No Kid Hungry"

here is the link to read about what the program does, donate, and so on...

Yippee

I'm glad that I got to get home early tonight, and I'm happy that I'm going to be eating vegetables and wheat pasta for dinner. I know it's not healthy to eat late, but I stay up late too, so there. I got my advisor's feedback on my lit. review today, and it's nothing too overwhelming.

I think I wrote this a year or two ago...

I refuse

to let my refuse
become my refuge
even though
I kind of have—

It's easy and hard
to excuse my failures
by thinking of Picasso,
Dickinson, or Nick Drake

It's easy because—well
if even they got rejected—

there's really no reason
to feel too bad.

It's hard though because—
Well – they were gifted;

exceptions to that rule
that we hear so much about.

Happiness

"Happiness is a butterfly,
which when pursued,
is always just beyond your grasp,
but which,
if you will sit down quietly,
may alight upon you."


--Nathaniel Hawthorne

Happy Birthday to Me

I had a nice day, and after a Baconfest dinner, I really just want a vegetablefest dinner. No more bacon ever...for a week or so. I'm so grateful for my family and friends whom I love so much.

Dad and Eric Looking Sharp

the sap that I am

C. Marlowe

The Passionate Shepherd to His Love

COME live with me and be my Love,
And we will all the pleasures prove
That hills and valleys, dale and field,
And all the craggy mountains yield.

There will we sit upon the rocks
And see the shepherds feed their flocks,
By shallow rivers, to whose falls
Melodious birds sing madrigals.

There will I make thee beds of roses
And a thousand fragrant posies,
A cap of flowers, and a kirtle
Embroider'd all with leaves of myrtle.

A gown made of the finest wool
Which from our pretty lambs we pull,
Fair linèd slippers for the cold,
With buckles of the purest gold.

A belt of straw and ivy buds
With coral clasps and amber studs:
And if these pleasures may thee move,
Come live with me and be my Love.

Thy silver dishes for thy meat
As precious as the gods do eat,
Shall on an ivory table be
Prepared each day for thee and me.

The shepherd swains shall dance and sing
For thy delight each May-morning:
If these delights thy mind may move,
Then live with me and be my Love.

My blog, my boring posts

I need to back track to where I was earlier because I forgot to pay my bill. EEK! Once I relax for a few minutes...

Brain Yet Working Not

So far today, I have said: "I didn't say anything; I was just thinking out loud" and "I didn't hear it; I heard it." I meant to say I didn't hear it; I smelled it. Oh bed, I will meet up with you again later.

Andy Rooney Will Be Missed

Although a lot of people didn't like his trivial comments, I have been watching 60 Minutes and enjoying his comments since I 'had' to watch 60 Minutes when I was little because my parents were watching it. With most of the original cast now gone, I wonder how much longer the show will last.
Andy Rooney

Got Ideas?

The White House, Washington




Good afternoon,

When President Obama says that we can't wait to put Americans back to work, he's not just talking about the White House. He's talking about all of us. That "we" is everyone.

The President has a proposal -- the American Jobs Act -- that economists say could put nearly two million Americans back to work. But some in Congress are determined to block that jobs plan, so we're getting started with concrete actions that President Obama can take without waiting on lawmakers to debate legislation or pass a bill.

We are looking at everything that the government can do, and we know that some of the best ideas are going to come from people like you.

If you have an idea for something President Obama can do without the help of Congress, or know of a program in your community that needs to go nationwide, I want to hear from you.

Submit your recommendations at WhiteHouse.gov/Advise

Submit your recommendations

President Obama believes that creating jobs and growing the economy are national goals, ones we all share as Americans.

And as the Deputy Chief of Staff for Policy, I want to make sure that the President hears about plenty of proposals to help accomplish those goals.

For the past few weeks, I've been leading a series of meetings here at the White House to come up with steps we can take right now to create more jobs -- without Congress.

That's why President Obama has signed orders to streamline research grants for entrepreneurs, help families refinance their mortgages, and make it easier for graduates to repay their student loans.

These are all actions that couldn't wait.

Now we're looking for more ideas just like these, concrete steps we can take right away to put people back to work and help make communities stronger.

Take a minute to share your idea:

WhiteHouse.gov/Advise

I'm really looking forward to hearing what you have to say.

Thanks,

Nancy-Ann DeParle
Deputy Chief of Staff for Policy

BEEEEEauuty-fulll DAY!

ZOMG! this is my favorite kind of day, aside from the perfect Ferris Bueller summer-type day. I"m wearing my red rain coat and my purple corduroy pants, and my hair is doing the right things, and it's dark and rainy! Either the world changes on days like this, or it's me. Parsimony suggests the latter. If I was working downtown today I would SO go to Shalom Deli on Wells for lunch and get a way-overpriced 1/2 corned beef and swiss toasted on rye sandwich with matzo ball soup and a can of Pepsi. Alas, I'm not. But it's okay because I had waffles and Snickers for breakfast!!!! And I'm going to make more coffee! Happy happy boing boing boing.

I hope you are having a great day too! Enjoy the coziness of the weather especially if indoors. And notice how people seem nicer when they're all bundled up.

BLURGH!

I can NOT NOT NOT make myself work on my lit. review, which is apparently "All Wrong!" anyway today. I will try now...I just keep staring at it.

the sound of....

SILENCE!!!!
SILENCE SILENCE SILENCE!!!

:) but seriously, the only thing making noise right now is my hard drive (need to fix that), and my typing. I love it! Home Alone XVIII Starring me. YAY!

yay!

No pool today!
Any minute now I'll get to work and not messing around on the computer.

I need to look into this

I thought most apartments had balconies. Is this not the case? I think a balcony is necessary.

Happy Halloween, My Sweets!

and

It hurts my feelings when someone chooses to do something that does not involve me instead of seeing me. Is that unreasonable? understandable? forgivable? I fear abandonment, and if something gets taken away from me (yes, that's kind of how I see it), I feel like that's the end...it's all over....I'll never become close or maybe even see that person. If I see someone one or two places, and that's it, then if you take one or both of those things away, will the person still find a way to see me? I am always scared that those people aren't even thinking about me, or don't care about never seeing me again.

I think I'm going to go to bed soon so that I can concentrate and think.

sorting out my thoughts maybe

sometimes situations just make me laugh. I get so frustrated sometimes and wish I could read people's minds and know what makes them act the ways they do! I get so flustered sometimes when I try to talk that I have no idea what I'm saying and make no sense. It's hilarious. I was told once that my neurons just must fire really, really fast. It sure feels like it...not that that would feel like anything. Some people are so charming that it just kills me, partially because I feel like there could be really personal things we might have in common. Maybe not. Maybe I'm the only one feeling anything; I do live in lala land. I love being emotional, but it does make things really difficult. And to try to figure out my thoughts.....I am confident in who I am, but I also care too much what others whom I care about think of me. Also, I feel like I'm fairly intuitive in terms of people's body language and characters, (maybe not, who knows) but I also am ultra sensitive and therefore construe things in a negative way. So in other words, I might be correctly reading that someone is distracted or uninterested in a conversation or whatever, but rather than realize that that could be for a million reasons that have nothing to do with me, or rather than just ignore that vibe they're giving off, I notice it, make things worse by addressing it, and assume that it has something negative to do with me. I guess I'm really self-centered like that. I get worried when I don't have information. I get obsessed until I can figure things out. I question what people think of me and if they like me. I really don't like when people I really like become under the influence of things because I like them for who they are, and that changes them. It's not like I don't like them, or that that's always the case, but I just prefer the 'real' them, and start worrying about their health when they become altered on a regular basis at all. Also, I tend to take a lot of things as a negative reflection of me, which I know is silly. So, if someone chooses not to be somewhere where I'll be, I sometimes think, well, they must not like me or else they'd want to be where I am. sorry that's obnoxious. and when I'm having fun with someone and they want to drink or whatever in addition to what we're doing, I sometimes feel like it's a slap in the face, like I'm not fun enough. I think people who drink or whatever...never mind...maybe late.r..


My first theorY: might be more of a hope in a way, or maybe it's obvious, but I feel like people who drink, smoke, etc. do so either because they're depressed, or because they feel socially inadequate, or a combination. Or because it's a reason to be social when otherwise antisocial. No one wants to be alone, and when it's hard for people to get to know people, alcohol and bars can be a great way to be out and social without having to actually be social, and face possible rejection. So, I wonder (hope) if someone became less lonely, more confident, maybe that person would be less interested in going to bars/drinking. It's really hard for me too...I am terrified of rejection and don't even like bothering talking to a lot of people...and even though that's the case, it's still hard, and it's still lonely. But I like ..well, no, I don't 'like', but I could either feel the real pain of what it's like, or try to mask the pain, and I prefer to feel the pain, although it stinks. And sometimes I really wish I had a vice to help me through, but not really. I just don't want people I care about to rely on vices to help them through because they are better than that.

Wow, it's windy outside!

Sir, I no longer want these emotions!"--Data

woo hoo Saturday night

I am pooped. maybe I'll get to bed earlyish so I can make it to Jenny's earlyish tomorrow morning for breakfast out, then later I plan to get up my nerve and go play in a tournament. Then, come home and study study study!

YAY!!

I GOT MY HAT BACK!!! All is well in the universe once again.
Thank you to the people who brought it back; I really appreciate it, and it renewed my faith in people.

My Relaxation Techniques

As I think of them, I guess it's good to record in case I forget, since I often need to relax. Depending on the exact mood and situation, here are a few:

1. listen to music (classical or jazz, depending...), lighting candles, and reading (together or separate)

2. go for a walk to nowhere and let my thoughts wander

3. Mindfulness meditation mp3 or video

4. writing

5. drive up Sheridan Rd. to the North Shore (to Lake Cook Rd and back)

6. If I can find a cafe like I used to go to, go there and read and/or write.

7. play the piano

8. hugs

8. bubble bath

9. complete and utter silence for several minutes (the kind where you hear stuff in your neck moving and buzzing noises in your ears.

10. yoga or pilates

11. although it's not relaxation, I have found that if I am unshakeably (unshakably) sad, hardcore chocolate helps.

spelling

"'Best Burritos and Tocos in Town!'"

guess who's grumpy?

ME!
I just got home ten minutes ago, and have been out all day, and at pool, I THINK....someone stole my hat. I am very sentimental about certain things, and this was one of my favorite hats, and I almost didn't wear it today but decided to. I took it off and put it on one of the shelves with my purse, then moved my purse and left the hat...same with cue case. When I went to leave...no hat. I looked all around the place and asked at the counter. The weird thing is a girl was talking to me about hats too. It's possible that I just missed it, but could someone have stolen it???? Or accidentally taken it???? It really has given me a lump in my throat all day like I kind of want to cry. Of course, the store where I bought it (Lori's Designer Shoes in Lincoln Park) no longer carries it. I am currently looking for it online. I just HATE not knowing what happened, and I hate the idea that someone might have purposely taken it. It sours everything. :(
Sueded Corduroy 3 Button Hat- Purple

Free Piano Music

Kreusch-Sheet-Music

"Party of Pollution" by Paul Krugman

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/21/opinion/party-of-pollution.html

heh heh heh

Tell me how that makes you feel...

Today, I saw a little girl playing with her dolls in a lobby, and the dolls were saying, "we don't like you here. Go back to where you came from." ! aw, that's so sad, poor thing.

Hinneous Acts

Wow. I feel like strangling the Republican presidential candidates. Please stop this cruel and sad joke. My prediction is that one of the most made-fun-of comments of the debate will be the bimbo's comment about Iran's heinous acts....pronounced "hinneous."

And the whole faith and religion part of the debate is making me yell at the television. When other people yell at football games, I think they're nuts. Now is they're turn to think I'm nuts. Newt said "How can you have judgment if you have no faith? and how can I trust you with power if you don't pray?"

AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHH

ARGH

I JUST got home!
That took a ridiculous amount of time.
But...I finally prevailed. YAY!

grrr

Candy Mountain is not funny, Charlie.
Candy Mountain is freaking annoying!!
Shun! Shun Candy Mountain.

Thoughts that Pop Into my Head

Some of my favorite feelings/words are: cozy. warm. fuzzy. protected. love. hugs. secure. stable. safe. innocent. happy. romantic. fun. goofy. silly.

Words/feelings that I dislike: hate. jealousy. ugly. fear. angry. danger. lonely. cynical. bitter. dependent. self-righteous. depression. addiction.


Things I like about myself: Happy. Optimistic. Trusting. Curious. Giving. Empathetic. Idealistic.


Things I dislike about myself: Insecure. Jealous. Critical. Judging. Competitive. Moody. Sensitive. Easily hurt. Care too much what others think about me. Anxious. Neurotic. Worry wart.

Good Night

I'm going to bed and I'm wrapping myself into a blanket burrito because I'm freezing! It's going to be so snuggly warm! I'm going to fall asleep with happy, confident, non-worrying thoughts and thoughts about people I love and who love me.

piano

why are there certain songs that I never learn well? I always struggle with them, and they're really no harder than other songs. Weird. I keep trying though.

WHY is this not more interesting?!

So, I canceled my plans tonight so that I could work on my project, but I don't even want to read what I've written; how can I expect anyone else to be interested? Then that leads me to the conclusion that I'm not doing good work. I think it's an interesting topic, so what's missing? It's really frustrating me. And I'm falling into the common trap of having way too much information that I need to filter...I already have 20 pages, but I don't feel like I have the right information. Plus, now I'm getting distracted by the actual manual I'm creating...like, what information goes where? On the up side, I'm learning about people's emotions and regulating emotions, and maybe with more reading and writing, I'll learn how to regulate my own emotions. Maybe I can work on learning how to WAIT before acting. When I feel full of emotions, I feel that I have to act on them immediately, and it's like I can't stop myself. I always feel like my emotions have full control over me. Does everyone feel like that? I don't think so. How do you gain control over your emotions? How do you resist the urge to act on a particular emotion? What do you do when you want to share your emotions with people when that's not appropriate? How do you know what's appropriate? What if you don't care? These are some things that maybe I can work on.

Research

Oh Em Gee

Tonight was so awkward! I do NOT like conflict--even if I'm not even involved in it.

YIPPIE TIE YAAAAYYY!!!!

Okay, I'm WAY too happy about this, but I FIGURED OUT THE SONG THAT I SPENT MONTHS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT!!! YAAAY~!!! now there are no unsolved songs stuck in my head. So, I don't know when this song is from, but I haven't heard it since probably the early 90s??? so that's another song that is from like 20 years ago and just popped into my head. Upon listening to it, I still really like the song too! AND....I just played it for Scott while jumping up and down in sheer glee, and he said that I actually hummed it pretty exactly. YAY! Tone deaf? IN YOUR FACE!!!! :)
So, do you wanna know what song it is? Do ya? Nah, maybe I won't tell you. But I better tell you before I forget again! Pictures of Matchstick Men by Camper Van Beethoven! It's the beginning violin part that I had stuck in my head, and that is VERY hard to look up..hence my trying to sing, DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DAAA DA DAA DA DAA DA DAAA to people and getting blank stares. Oh, and I remembered, "and yoooouuu"...Without further ado, HERE IS THE SONG.

Songs that Stick

The most recent one (last few months): I'm still trying to figure out, but I'm thinking it might be Camper Van Beethoven.

Second most recent: Adagio in G Minor by Albinoni (first discovered on "Rhythm of Life) when George Martin plays a little bit on piano to describe simple melodies.


Least recent: I used to listen to this song with my dad and my brother in the 80s, and I always remembered it and liked it but couldn't remember enough about it to re-discover it and find out who it was. I finally found it in the last year...it's Kate Fagan's "Don't Wanna be Too Cool".

Adagio in G Minor by Albinoni

one version

I am going to learn this song so that I can play it better than the versions I found. No one plays it (that I can find) the way I envision it.

Dad and Zoe and Jill in 2008

Gromit!

reference

tutorial

I wonder

I wonder if potential employers can see the time that you submitted your application. If so, I wonder if they frown upon odd hours. I apply for a lot of jobs after midnight; like I just applied for a job at 2:30 a.m. The stuff you have to think about...!

Oh, and I also wonder what it means when people say "the royal we"

hmm

What is a man thinking when he puts on pale yellow shorts and a red t-shirt?

Okay, I feel sane again

Here is one of my favorite poems by one of my favorite poets:

Philip Larkin - This Be The Verse

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

I should look up some of this stuff later

Nobel Prize for Economics

I like this song and video; they're pretty

Dream

I had a dream last night that I made up an email program for people who had been in breakups, and one of the buttons to click was "Resent Attachment."

More Time Wasted...fun!

Romance index
66



According to your score, you are a bit of a hopeless romantic. Rose petals, poignant poetry, tall glasses of wine, touching moments, and sweet words are all loving gestures that you enjoy receiving as well as offering. Romance is fairly important to you, and likely an aspect that you consider fundamental in relationships. Keep in mind however, that problems may arise if you are with someone who really isn't the romantic type. If you look forward to Valentine's Day to express your love and your partner doesn't even acknowledge it as a special day, you might end up feeling neglected or your efforts unappreciated. Nevertheless, even if your partner isn't as romantically inclined as you are, try to be appreciative of his/her efforts when she/he does try to woo you. Some people aren't comfortable displaying their affection in screamingly obvious ways, but this doesn't mean that they don't care ? they simply prefer to be more subtle. Whether it's you or your partner who is doing the romancing, check out the ideas in the Advice section for some simple and sweet romantic gestures that aren't tough on the wallet or too overwhelming.

I've Spent too much time tonight doing stupid stuff online like this!

Self-Disclosure Test (General Communication)
Although different approaches to self-disclosure are not necessarily good or bad, opening up is generally a valuable tool in relationships and a pre-requisite to true closeness. Of course, everything in moderation is important. If we reveal too much, we not only tax other people's listening skills, but we also place ourselves at risk of being judged or even taken advantage of. If we don't tell enough, it makes it especially difficult to become close to others and develop a bond with them. In the end, self-disclosing is a delicate dance between two people.
Snapshot Report
Self-disclosure with Friends
70
According to your responses, you are generally comfortable letting the floodgates open and sharing with your pals, rarely holding anything back. You seem to have reached a level of comfort, trust and closeness that allows you to show even your vulnerable side to friends. As you are likely aware, connecting with other humans is a natural need, as is feeling loved and understood, and you appeared to have found this special connection with your closest companions. Moreover, if your openness is reciprocated, it should lead to deeper bond and higher level of friendship.

The Ole Bait and Switch

I am pretty tired of temp agencies/recruiters hauling me in for all these great jobs that just HAPPEN to no longer be available! BUT they'll keep me on file for other jobs that will be becoming available. Is that cool? I think not!

Interesting Tidbit

"by making our enemy small, inferior, despicable, or comic, we achieve in a roundabout way the enjoyment of overcoming him" (Freud)

The rest of the context is good too: it says,

"Why do we laugh at another person's humiliation and embarrassment? According to Freud, aggressive jokes allow the expression of impulses ordinarily held in check. Although we may have unconscious urges to attack certain people or groups of people, our egos and superegos are generally effective in preventing outward acts of violence. But an insulting joke allows us to express these same aggressive desires in a socially appropriate manner..."

It sounds like a lot of people we know, doesn't it?
Maybe this is why I don't trust people who tell racist/sexist/mean jokes.

Insomnia

I SO can't sleep. Maybe two cups of coffee at 10 p.m. wasn't such a great idea.

Enough of that

I don't want to sound adolescent; I'm HOW old?! but I get insecure. I think I project my feelings onto others. If I want reassurance, I want to reassure others, but what they want is probably something very different due to THEIR issues. I just don't know what it is that they want, or else I would love to give that to them. I wish people would just hold signs saying how they feel.

SO....if you know me, and you want or need something from me, please feel free to let me know because I want to be there for you; I just might not know how.

Al Jazeera's Success and Competition

It's not particularly interesting that this person resigned, but the rest is kind of interesting

The Resignation of Wadah Khanfar and the Future of Al Jazeera | Foreign Affairs

Sundae

The point of putting in effort is for me to know that I put in effort; otherwise, it just feels pointless that no one else notices when I go to the trouble of putting in effort.

On the upside, new pool league season tomorrow (well, it started last week, I guess) without progress report or probation or anything! I better bring my suit to the cleaners.

Ahh, screw being social

Left people behind to go stay home by myself. It's so nice! Yoga pants, comfy shirt, candle, piano. sweet!

Day of Getting Nothing Done...but there's still time

Feeling ashamed of yourself is the worst.
SO...let's see what I can do to turn it around now!

I have silly dreams

they're usually just a moment in time that I end up remembering...not always...but a lot. I just remembered a dream I had last night. I was trying to kiss someone and couldn't reach, and he said, "you have to leap for it."
kinda weird, eh?

One of the many revisions of one of my poems

I don't remember what version I have previously posted: this poem has been called several different things and has several different versions. I like this one best, I think: (it's been called "Mein Mind", "Toast and Jam"...something like that...here it is called "Sticky Situation"


Sticky Situation

Toast a drunk en madness
it burns when overdone

never was important – what it was all about –
needed only to realize
my part, or lack thereof.

You splattered me with your jam
it’s after midnight

seedy streets will be deserted –
raspberry-red cars
spread thin somnambulant
I won’t get stuck again.

I cruise down open road
in search of anything
but it’s not there.

fell face down in it
Murphy’s law –
peeled my face up off the floor, with pride.

revel in newly-found notion
this is not my problem

I can do nothing and it’s okay.

An old poem

Soiree

I lie in bed

staring at
bloated pillow,

imagining—

the impression
of your head
pressed in.

Filling in the rest
from memory.

Imagining us—
talking, joking, flirting;

Touching—
each other, with
stories, smiling, smelling

erotic stink
of the 400-count sheets.

Sandwich breath,
cigarette hair, maybe an
Eau de twelve hours ago.

A bedtime
cocktail
party—
dancesteps
of wit,
bubbly—
moods, and
perfect

soundtrack. Slowly,

The party draws
to an end I fall
asleep—

alone. Alone.

Poem

Not sure if I have posted this one, but it was inspired by Emily Dickinson's poem that starts "I cannot live with You."

----------------------------------
Dusty Cupboards

I’ve never owned a cupboard
or a shelf
behind which life exists

dainty gold spoons in
Irish teacups wait
to stir

Punchy stink of must—
insists on my reverence

cracked plates on the shelf
whisper to me about
failure

which persistently sits
on a veneer of dust

HEY! The voicemail hung up on me!

Man, I can babble into people's voicemail systems something fierce! (ever seen Swingers? Almost that bad!)

Two minutes in the life of Nicole's brain

I'm bored.
I'm lonely.
I think I'll listen to music.
What should I listen to?
Maybe Putumayo French cafe...
Yes. oh, no colon, huh, weird.
French people don't even listen to this music
well, if I'm going to listen to this, I might as well light that candle.
go get lighter..
OH FINE, if I'm going to listen to music by candle light, I will have an ice cream cone. GEEZ.
better write that on my blog
I didn't really think that last part; that would be way too sad.
p.s. I really need to get a new cd drive so that I can keep doing my French lessons.

edited version

I think my imagination is a defense mechanism. I use it to have friends; I use it to be liked and adored; I use it to test out scenarios, and I use it to be accepted, and I use it to gain confidence. The problem is that I think sometimes I forget that it's just my imagination, and I gain confidence when I shouldn't, or expect scenarios to go as I plan them. When they don't go as I plan, I get hurt, rejected, upset, disappointed. This is when I wish I knew what goes on in other people's heads: what makes them act the way they do. I know (do I?) that no one acts exactly like they would always choose, and that people act based on their own defense mechanisms. The problem (again, I think) is that defense mechanisms don't just protect the person having them, they hurt outsiders. e.g. I will act aloof so that I won't get hurt, and then the other person feels hurt because I am ignoring him or her. This is why I like to get to know special people really well...unfortunately (?) they're the ones I really care about all this stuff about; they're the ones who this kind of stuff could drive nuts; and once I know someone well, I don't get bothered so easily, and we can just talk about stuff that perplexes us. This is really making no sense. I know that I care way too much what others (whom I care about) think of me, and while I don't know someone very well, that makes me obsess about this kind of stuff a little because what if? what if? what if? and why this? and why that?
My utter hypocrisy: if unresponsiveness bothers me so much, then why am I so unresponsive to the people I love most?

I

Am

Bored.

In other non-news...

I was told today that "it's like you're binary" in relation to my climate control preferences in the car.

Two's Day

Drive to the airport in the rain and hope it rains all day

Happy Tenth Birthday to Google

that's all she wrote.

:( sickly

I must have eaten something very, very wrong, or got some sort of bad flu. Hopefully, I'll feel better soon because I feel miserable.

fmi

job
savings
car
grocery
el

coffee pot
floor lamp
wi-fi
tv
cable
tivo
printer
toaster
rug

towels, pans, silverware, dishes, supplies

21st century

I just got a text message on my phone from a recruiter I had contacted about a job. It said to check my email for a message to respond to with more information. But there is no email. Plus, it seems odd to me to get a text message about a job. Maybe the email is yet to come; otherwise, I'll use my resourcefulness, curiosity, initiative, and team-building skills to find the recruiter's information to contact her again. Or maybe I should just text back the reply: "re: job, idk whre 2 call, lol."

I Teach? Cheat It?

do you drink chai tea while you do tai chi?

It was YestAAAAARday

dammit, International Talk Like a Pirate Day was yesterday, and I thought it was today. Aaaaarrr, I'm celebrating today with my parrot and eyepatch and dancing on my pegleg. (I don't know that much about pirates) aaaarrrrr

Silliness is one of my favorite characteristics

Bow Wow Blues

Whether you're novaturient or an Inveteratist...

when it comes to the dumbing down of our society, don't be a foppotee! Adopt a word to get it back in use here: Words

Amelia

If my name was Amelia, I think I would often tell people that I intended to ameliorate them.

I Heard This Last Night and Liked It

Song

Waking Up is Hard to Do

I woke up,
then, for about ten minutes
I've been staring at this
screen--
unsure
how to proceed.

argh

angry people are selfish people who have learned that being the loudest gets them rewards, e.g. never having to take responsibility for anything, and never having to do the hard work or just listen.

Hey, I know this song

I don't remember from where, but I know it, and I really like this song.
le reveil-matin

Interesting Point Du Jour

People who are not motivated don't generally complain about not being motivated enough. So maybe my problem is lack of discipline instead??

Oh, look, I must be home!

Weird...
I accidentally left my music on when I left earlier today. It was also a playlist that I haven't listened to before. So when I just got home, there was unfamiliar music playing. It was a really strange feeling like someone was home, but no one was! Just me.

Stuff to Look Up or Ask People About

1. What does it mean when people say, "the royal we"?
2. Why does everyone always says, "If I were you..." when it seems like it should be "if I WAS you"? Right? If I was running to the store....If I was talking to you....
do people just say the wrong thing, or is that somehow correct? Anyone? Bueller?

Wishlist

I need (want) to buy a clarinet (wood). I think I can handle the pressure to not 'squeak' once again.

See if anyone needs or wants my extra melodica.

Office chair

New pedal for piano (squeaky)

New suit for interviews, or at least more modern pieces

haircut again

Yum

I went for a nice drive and stopped at Ghirardelli for a chocolate malt. I wouldn't have, but I got lucky with a parking space...didn't even pay the meter...what with the holiday and all...just applied for a job at American Heart Association. If I don't hear back from them, I'll tell them to have a heart. I NEED a job and money so I can get into a place I like better. At least I have an interview Wednesday.

Aaaahhh

I am loving the silence so much right now. I think I'm going to go lie on the sofa and read. Happy Sunday Evening.

"Self-censorship is insulting to the self"--Ai Weiwei

and yet, I really wish I was equipped with an edit button.

Beauty

Wow, I wish I had it in me to be a conductor. They always bring tears to my eyes. Listening to these interviews feels like a hug. That sounds so unbelievably corny, but I don't care...no one reads this anyway!
Also, I think Simon Rattle was the one who asked, "What do you want to hear?" I think I want to hear sincerity. His answer was he wants to hear a story.
I also love the part about how important the experience of LIVE music is. I totally agree. I need to find another job that gets me the occasional free tickets to the CSO, opera, etc.
Gergiev
Rattle

Irony, Idiocy, or Oxymoron?

I saw a guy today who had a t-shirt on that said, "ANARCHY RULES." Was that meant to be serious, or a joke? I think that is very funny!

Fried Day

Lunch with bro at 11:45
Doctor appointment at 1:10
Then: piano at library?

Two Things That Are Pointless

1. Webinars
2. Powerpoint Presentations

So the webinar that includes a Powerpoint presentation is ten minutes I'll never get back.
I mean, maybe it's because they're free, but REALLY?! People thinking about graduate school or job interviews need to be told to brush their hair? to not act bored? to dress conservatively? darn, and here I was going to wear go-go boots and chomp on gum while yawning and texting during my next interview. Thanks, Princeton Review, for reminding me that I shouldn't do that.


"New Webinars from The Princeton Review Will Help You Craft a Winning Resume and Ace the Interview

Want a leg up on the competition when applying for jobs or graduate school? New webinars from The Princeton Review offer helpful tips on how to create an impressive resume and make a positive impression during interviews.

The 10-minute webinars are exclusive -- and free -- to active Phi Kappa Phi members.

Click here to download "The Resume" webinar.
Click here to download "The Interview" webinar."

Cool, cool, cool

I got a call for an interview next week. Might not work, but at least a possibility.
And I've made a decision to go practice free pool for a while later this afternoon.
Now if my brother would be available for lunch this week, all will be great.
I need to get to work on all the usual stuff too, but it's much easier when I'm feeling positive.

Lunch with bro: Friday. YAY!!!

music!

One good thing about having an electric piano instead of the real thing: volume control so that I can play at 1:30 in the morning. Now I am very carefully numbering pages of awesome new music that I am delighted to be borrowing.

Telling jokes works better in dreams

I had a dream about last night last night

:)

Happy

When Did I Become Such a Huge Dork?

well, that happened a long, long time ago.
But it is pretty lame that it is a Friday night, and I am almost compulsively checking my school website to see what grade I got in my class. The instructor has until midnight to post grades, and he's really dragging this out to the last minute! Geez!

Anyway, I hope the extra credit that was promised on final exam has NOT yet been applied because I did the calculations for the individual grades that have been posted, and have an 87%. I want an A.

a stupid assignment was worth way more points than it should have been.

OKay, just checked again, and it says I got an A-. Yay

Maybe I should work on my vocabulary

I haven't done this for a long time: as I find words that I like or just think I should know, I will use them so that I don't forget what they mean. If I just read a definition, I forget and end up looking the word up every 3 months or something (e.g. "supercilious"). It makes no sense to me that that doesn't mean silly or superfluous.

I don't like that musician because she seems supercilious in that she acts arrogant and full of disdain when anyone asks her anything. However, she is better than that other musician who just will not yield to any opinion other than his own --- no matter how wrong he may be, or how persuasive others may be -- he is an obdurate person.

Goals as they pop into my head...an ongoing process

Pre-1. Um, Hello?! I forgot to mention a little thing called my Advanced Project that is the only thing getting in the way of my graduating. Idiot. GET IT DONE.

1. Get an 'A' in Abnormal Psychology. (out of my hands now)

2. Buy GRE Prep book and study

3. Take GRE by end of September in order to take advantage of 50% off.

4. GET A JOB!

5. SAVE SAVE SAVE!

6. Get my own apartment that makes me happy

7. Get a poem published (within a year??)

8. Keep trying to win the New Yorker cartoon caption contest (good luck with that one)

9. Lose weight (P90X, Pilates, biking, USE SCHOOL GYM while I can!)

10. Get to AZ to see Mom!

11. Be better about communicating with friends and family

12. Make an effort socially (I hate small talk, and don't like schmoozing, and I tend to hold onto one favorite person for dear life, but that doesn't always feel good to the other person

13. Practice Piano Daily. Find new music online. Work on Improvisation.

14. Read more.

15. Write more.

16. Think less; Act more.

17. Clean and Maintain. Rinse and Repeat.

Now I'm just making stuff up...stop.

18. Think about stopping trying so hard with people...it's possible that they'll like me without me trying to please everyone and be perfect, which I fail miserably at anyway. Maybe smile less?? (someone mentioned that I do that when I'm nervous, and it threw me for a loop: I'm not sure if that's true. I don't really think it is. I think things just make me happy easily, but there might be something to it) Chill.

19. Get back to reading "Remembrance of Things Past." Reading the first 1 1/2 books in the series is NOT ENOUGH. Although, so far, "Within a Budding Grove" is boring and not nearly as good as "Swann's Way."

I really want to put punctuation OUTside the quotes. grr.

20. Damn it, I keep thinking of stuff. These are my last few (?) of the day.
Stop comparing myself to others and finding something to be jealous of in EVERYONE. I will never be best or smartest or prettiest or most likable or youngest or most accomplished or cleanest or organized or anything ever, so....just cut it out.

21. some longer term goals:
Graduate school: decide MSW or PsyD (planning on PsyD, but is it realistic?)

22. Relationship issues...nuff said.

23. Savings. Own property. Nice stuff. Travel. Sophistication. Be more polished. Career, not job. Stability. Lawn and porch. Piano. Dishwasher, washer and dryer. MUCH nicer neighborhood, so I don't have to feel so negative and critical because of my own issues.

Image of my first Constitution story

NOTE: I learned a lot by doing everything from the research to the writing to the page layout to handing over to copy-editors to the actual published copy. For example, it's amazing how quickly I went from, "oh boy! I'm going to be published!" to "how dare they mess with my artistic integrity!" (I didn't get to have complete say about the headlines. To me, you shouldn't say, "Free to say what's on our Mind?"....you should say "minds" plural. Ce'st la biz.

2001 trip with Louis and Vicky

View of Paris from hostel balcony



A Parade in Brussels that we discovered late at night

2007 Chicago Sun-Times article on The Constitution (I think this was the last of four)

Even though this is just the text without the images (or formatting), I still want to have a record on the computer of these articles, since they were in print editions only, and paper doesn't last forever. NOTE: This is the article where the copy-editor CHANGED my spelling of "Montesquieu"-- which was correct -- to "Montesquier," which was not correct. I changed it back here. copy-editing rule #1: never give copy back with more mistakes than it started out with!

This was for a special series for Constitution Day in the Newspapers in Education section of the Chicago Sun-Times that is in the print edition only (if that's still the case). The target audience was kids who were in the grades that are required to take a test on the Constitution.
________________________________________________________


Celebrating the Constitution of the United States: Keeping us safe and
free
Author(s): Nicole Parker Special to The Chicago Sun-Times Date: September 25, 2007 Page: 42
Section: Features
"The people made the Constitution, and the people can unmake it. It is the creature of their will, and lives only by
their will." -- Chief Justice John Marshall, 1821.
There have been many documents that have come and gone throughout history, so why did the founding fathers place so much importance on getting the United States Constitution just right?
Ten years prior to the creation of our Constitution, the Declaration of Independence was written to free us from English rule. Five years later, the Articles of Confederation were created as the first system of governing principles
made between the thirteen American colonies. The Constitution would replace the Articles of Confederation after just six years, as it became clear that a stronger central government was needed.
The Constitution's influences were vast; they came from England's Magna Carta in 1215, the Mayflower Compact of 1620 and the philosophers John Locke and Baron de Montesquieu who wrote about the separation of
power and system of checks and balances. The Virginia Declaration of Rights, written by George Mason, was a major influence for the Bill of Rights.
The Constitution was drafted at a time when America's democracy was in danger of splintering. It not only saved the nation then, but also has helped us survive the Civil War, Depression, school desegregation and even our
nation's efforts to recover from the tragedy of Hurricane Katrina. With only limited changes the Constitution has
presided over the growth of scattered colonies and taken us safely through crises that might have broken other
nations.
The Constitution authors debated how to balance the rights of states with the needs of a strong national
government. When the U.S. Senate debates a Supreme Court justice nomination, we see the Separation of
Powers doctrine in action. One branch, the Executive, is nominating an officer of a second branch, the Judiciary,
and submitting it for a vote by the Senate -- a body in the third branch, Congress.
Most of the framers of the Constitution expected the judicial branch of government to be the weakest of the
three, but the Supreme Court has reached the lives of every citizen and has resolved some of history's most
dramatic confrontations. Overturning a Supreme Court decision often requires revising federal law or even
amending the Constitution.
"Just as it did more than 200 years ago, the Constitution is what makes us a free people today. Keeping the
Constitution alive, and understanding and protecting it, depends on all of us. When people don't understand and
value their rights, it is easy for others to take them away," Michael S. Greco, American Bar Association.
Source: www.abanet.org

DID YOU KNOW?
- Only two of the delegates to the Constitutional Convention signed the Declaration of Independence in 1776, the
Articles of Confederation in 1781 and the U.S. Constitution in 1787; Roger Sherman and Robert Morris.
- James Madison was the only delegate to attend every meeting of the Constitutional Convention. The journal he
kept during the Convention was purchased by the government in 1837 for $30,000 (about $504,000 today) and
was published in 1840.
- Virginia's Declaration of Rights, written by George Mason, was the basis for the Bill of Rights and was used by
Thomas Jefferson in writing the opening paragraphs of the Declaration of Independence.
Source: www.usconstitutionfacts.com
FIRST AMENDMENT QUIZ
1. One provision of the First Amendment is
a. Freedom of speech
b. The right to an impartial jury
c. The right to bear arms
d. Freedom from unusual punishments
2. The new Congress first conducted business under the Constitution on April 6, 1789, the same day George
Washington was elected President.
a. True b. False
3. What is the name of the beginning of the Constitution?
a. Preamble
b. The Bill of Rights
c. Introduction
d. Article I
4. The first state to ratify the Constitution was Virginia.
a. True b. False
5. The Constitutional Convention signed the U.S. Constitution on Sept. 17, 1787.
a. True b. False
6. Which future U.S. President submitted a plan to change the Articles of Confederation, which led to creating the
U.S. Constitution?
a. George Washington
b. Thomas Jefferson
c. James Madison
d. Abraham Lincoln
7. How many states must ratify an amendment to the Constitution?
a. One-half
b. Two-thirds
c. Three-fourths
d. All of them
8. What is the Bill of Rights?
a. The first paragraph of the Constitution
b. The last 10 amendments
c. The main ideas of the Declaration of
Independence
d. The first 10 amendments
Source: www.whitehouse.gov
FIRST AMENDMENT - CORNERSTONE OF OUR FREEDOM
The First Amendment was written because, right from the beginning, Americans demanded a guarantee of their
basic freedoms. The words haven't changed since they were adopted by the United States as part of the Bill of
Rights more than 200 years ago.
The First Amendment is our blueprint, and the cornerstone of freedom in the United States. Commonly referred to
as the "five freedoms," the First Amendment has aided Americans in exercising their rights to work for a more free
and just society.
Without the First Amendment, religious minorities could be persecuted, the government could establish a national
religion, protesters could be silenced, the press could not criticize government and Americans could not come
together for social change.
Every important struggle for social justice has involved the First Amendment in one way or another. From the
abolitionist movement to the environmental movement, such efforts have all relied on the First Amendment.
Schools should be a place where students learn about democracy, but more importantly they should be a place
where students live in a democracy.
"When the John S. and James L. Knight Foundation found that nearly three-fourths of U.S. high school students
take the First Amendment and its protections for granted or are unsure how they feel about them, the
Anti-Defamation League felt compelled to reduce that number. We felt that we have a responsibility to make sure
that future generations know what it means to live in a democracy; to understand their rights and responsibilities to be active members in supporting that democracy," notes Lindsay Friedman, Director, A WORLD OF
DIFFERENCE Institute, Senior Associate Director, Education Division.
The Anti-Defamation League, in partnership with the Philadelphia Bar Association, created "The First Amendment
in Public Schools: A Curriculum Unit for High School Students" -- to assist educators in engaging students in
exploring what the five freedoms of the First Amendment freedoms are and how they function today. The 70-plus
page curriculum guide includes detailed lesson plans outlining student objectives, activity sheets, topics for
discussion, student surveys, key words and more. In addition, each of the lessons specifically details the national
educational standards they support.
For more information and to receive the free, "The First Amendment in Public Schools:
For more information about our Newspaper in Education program, curriculum materials and classroom
newspapers, please call
Return to the
Chicago Sun-Times
© Copyright 2009 Sun-Times Media, LLC

Here.

If you haven't done so already, read this. It's one of my favorites.
http://shakespeare.mit.edu/measure/full.html

Things that Make Me Happy

Mom, Dad, and Eric!
My smiley face slinky key chain that sits next to my monitor
Magic Eraser
Finding a new band that I really like.
Finding a person I actually like as opposed to just being okay with
Finding the perfect place to store something that's been in the way.
Succeeding.
Free money (as in scholarships and grants)

Iowa Republican Debate in 1 Minute

It's like a train-wreck (or so people say)...I personally don't like watching train wrecks and what not, and yet, I have to watch to see what the Republicans say. ugh....one huge eyeroll. then back to homework and sandwich.

Why I have Stomach Aches So Often...

by Nicole Parker.


In order to get financial aid money for summer, you need to fill out an application online of course. In order to submit, you need to put a value in the drop down box for credit hours taken over the summer. The drop down box is grayed out. I've tried this in Firefox, Safari, and Internet Explorer. WHY is it not working? And of course, the person in the fin. aid office is gone for the day, and this has to be done by tomorrow morning. Breathe in. Breathe out. I am aware of my feet. My negative thoughts are just flooooooaaaating like bubbles..... bla blobbidy bla. :)

Okay, the box is probably grayed out because the value is automatically filled in with how many hours I'm enrolled for, so the true problem is that the value inputted automatically is "0". Probably because I owe money, which is WHY I'M TRYING TO DO THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE...TO PAY THAT MONEY!!! On 4 hours of sleep, I am having a VERY hard time dealing with this crap. And my shoulder and my stomach are both hurting a lot. :( And I have to write ten learning points (easy) plus an explanation as to why I could not hand this in today.

Bleeding Heart Liberal Emails

It's kind of funny how many of these "Please Help!" emails I get. It's my fault; when I have a job, I do try to give when I can...so, please help if you can.

"Dear Nicole,

I wanted to be sure you saw my email. With the support of people like you, we're swiftly moving into Mogadishu, now home to nearly half a million refugees from Somalia's famine. They're crowded into little huts made from twigs, rags and plastic bags. More arrive each day, and they desperately need help just to survive.

Please make a donation now to save lives in the drought-ravaged Horn.

Thank you.

NKG"

––––––––– Forwarded message –––––––––
From: Neal Keny-Guyer, Mercy Corps
__________________________________________________

And shortly thereafter, this one:

"

Mao Hengfeng was delivered home from detention unconscious and in a wheelchair.


Dear Nic,

The last time Mao Hengfeng was home from jail, the celebration was short-lived. She had roughly two days of freedom before being re-detained on vague charges.

Two weeks ago, when Chinese police returned Mao Hengfeng home from her most recent term of "Re-Education through Labor" - it didn't feel right to celebrate at all.

She was home, but she was delivered unconscious in a wheelchair...severely beaten...clearly tortured...barely alive1.

It gets worse. Shanghai authorities have been known to return detainees to their homes shortly before they die so that they can later wash their hands of all culpability. Because her release was completely unexpected, Mao's husband and family could only expect the worst.

I can honestly tell you that some of my happiest moments here at Amnesty International have been the days when a prisoner of conscience is released. Just knowing that they are being reunited with their loved ones makes our work all the more satisfying.

But bittersweet doesn't even begin to cover the disgraceful "homecoming" of Mao Hengfeng.

Not only should she have never been detained in the first place for voicing her beliefs, but no one - and I mean no one - should ever experience the appalling treatment she did while in detention.

Help us demand accountability for the torture and abuse of Mao Hengfeng.

For simply demanding political and social change, Chinese authorities have repeatedly arrested this wife and mother of three.

Her most recent detention stems from her 2009 protest of the detention of Liu Xiaobo, a prominent human rights defender in China and the recipient of the 2010 Nobel Peace Prize. She has also been a strong advocate for women's reproductive rights and the victims of forced evictions in Shanghai.

We've been told that since being home, Mao's condition has improved slightly. She regained consciousness and has started to walk and talk again slowly. We couldn't be more relieved to hear this news and hope that her progress continues.

But even though Mao's condition may continue to improve, Amnesty International will not let her wounds be forgotten.

Take action for Mao Hengfeng. Please take action to support this courageous woman's struggle for human rights!

Thank You,

Michael O'Reilly
Senior Campaign Director, Individuals at Risk
Amnesty International USA "

from The Onion...I'm done with trying to embed it perfectly, so you get the text, some pictures, and no main picture, and you'll like it.

New GOP Strategy Involves Reelecting Obama, Making His Life Even More Miserable

August 10, 2011 |

ISSUE 47•32

WASHINGTON—Calling a GOP victory in the 2012 presidential election antithetical to the party platform, top Republicans revealed a new long-term political strategy Tuesday: reelecting Barack Obama and making his life even more of a living hell than it already is.

"For three years, the Republican Party has coalesced around the single goal of making President Obama's every waking moment sheer and utter torture," Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell told reporters. "But we can't continue to do that if he's not in office."

"If we are going to make the president a haggard shell of a human being by the time he leaves the White House, we need four more years of never compromising, four more years of miring every piece of legislation in unnecessary procedural muck, four more years of pretending we want to work with the president and then walking away from the table at the last second," McConnell added. "Four more years! Four more years! Obama 2012!"

According to GOP sources, the decision to cede the 2012 election to Obama came after rank-and-file Republicans agreed that grinding the president down to nothing and pushing him to the brink of insanity was far more in line with the Republican Party's core principles than actually controlling the White House, making laws, or governing the country.

Republican officials said that because they won't be burdened with a time consuming presidential campaign, they can start looking beyond the 2012 general election and begin developing a four-pronged attack designed to ruin the president emotionally, physically, personally, and professionally.

Moreover, giving the president a second term in office would reportedly allow GOP lawmakers to build on the mental distress they've already caused him.

"If you look at what we've accomplished as a party in the last four years—making President Obama lose his temper on multiple occasions and even causing him to storm out of a meeting in frustration—it doesn't make sense for us to throw all that away, not when we could do so much more," House Majority Leader Eric Cantor said. "If by being impossible to work with we are able to make the president physically shake with frustration during every single meeting, give him the nervous tick of mumbling angrily under his breath, tarnish his entire legacy, and in the process completely destroy his faith in humanity, then we've succeeded as lawmakers."

"If you thought this debt ceiling thing was bad, wait till you see how unbearable we are when it comes time for the Bush tax cuts to expire," Cantor added. "We are going to pummel this man over and over and over until he regrets ever getting into politics."

In order to make the president's next four years the worst of his life, GOP legislators are reportedly working on a new "Destroy Every Fiber of Barack Obama's Being" initiative, a plan that includes benchmarks such as making Obama look 10 years older than he is just six months into his second term; ruining his marriage before the 2014 midterm elections; and, by the time he leaves office, making him break down in front of the entire nation and say the words "I give up. Just please stop."

"If Barack Obama doesn't go to bed fuming with deep primal rage every single night, then we haven't done our job," said House Speaker John Boehner, who later called the residual effect of getting to watch Obama's supporters become more and more disillusioned with their country as their president's posture deteriorates, his face becomes exceedingly gaunt, and his once booming voice turn shaky and unconfident "definitely a plus." "Mark my words: The Republican Party is committed to giving the American people a president who has a chronically bleeding gastric ulcer that makes it almost impossible for him to stand up."

"To be honest, I'm glad we're pulling out of this election, because I really don't know what we would focus on if we won," Boehner added. "Health care?"

While a major party forgoing a presidential campaign is considered unorthodox, Beltway insiders were not surprised by the Republican announcement, saying the GOP was simply playing to its strength.

"Making Barack Obama's life a waking nightmare is what we do best," Republican strategist Todd Harris said. "It's also just smart politics. After all, getting the man reelected and watching him whither away to nothing before our very eyes will fire up the base more than any of the current Republican presidential candidates will."