Some of my Problems

1. I am stupid enough to expect life to be like the movies (I mean, I know better, but still, I kinda don't). For example, right now, I feel like the part of a movie where the jilted woman is home feeling sorry for herself eating ice cream and trying to stalk people online, but she starts to kind of enjoy it, but then the guy of her dreams shows up and surprises her and they live happily ever after.....but that last part doesn't happen.

2. I have really high expectations/am idealistic, and I see no reason to have to lower my expectations. I feel that people should rise up to my level of expectations. Why not? Oh, because I end up disappointed and cynical as a result. Nevertheless...

3. I oddly always go about life as if there is always or could always be a camera recording me for others to watch later. How screwed up, right?

4. When I'm with people talking, things just flow out of my mouth so quickly that I can't or don't really think them through. I was told by a couple of people that the neurons in my brain probably fire really quickly, so I flit from thing to thing really fast. But as a result, I feel like it's someone else having conversations with people (mainly when I'm really happy or really excited or really like someone...like on Wednesday.

5. As much as I hate attention from some people a lot of the time, I love attention from others all the time. I get incredibly uncomfortable if I'm getting attention that I don't want. But I love love love getting attention from someone I like and trust. As a matter of fact, if I don't get attention from these people, I'm like a baby all sad and hurt and rejected that I'm not getting attention. In college, I had a roommate say that she would always be the audience she knew I wanted. That was so sweet in some ways.

6. I am constantly wondering how I'm being perceived, what other people are thinking, what kind of impression I'm making, what I seem like, how I compare, etc.

7. I want to be best. I know better, but I can't stand when someone is better or closer with someone or prettier or smarter or more talented or whatever else.

8. I'm really scared of losing people.

9. I imagine things...a lot...and if someone doesn't act the way that I expect them to, or wanted them to, I get kind of upset.

10. One of my stupid big fears when I like someone is that I think that person likes me, and whether or not they once did, they no longer do, but I think they do...meanwhile, that person is having sex with someone.

11. I obsess. I worry. If something upsets me or upsets someone else, I can't let it go. I need it solved...quickly. I know I need to let things go, but sometimes I just can't. I don't like conflict at all.