I had a nice time tonight. It was nice to leave early; I drove around for awhile to think. I'm a little bit in lala land.
I hope I shouldn't feel guilty for my feelings; I don't think I should too much as long as I keep them in check for now. I hope still that no one holds my feelings against me. In terms of whether I'm behaving badly or unethically or anything, I don't think I really am too much. It says it all that my first day back from being out of town for almost a week, I was left alone being less of a priority than getting drunk. I was also asked if I expected to have been missed. I hate having a lack of closeness; that's not how I ever want to live. The recurring comment that we are 'roommates' is true...and kind of sad. But it makes sense then that my feelings are moving elsewhere.
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