Good Reminder

from someone with a lot of wisdom who I want to be happy:

"You'll never find happiness if you're looking in just one place for it."

So true. And I don't think that means don't look where you're looking (I hope); it just means that a) that's too much pressure/responsibility/power to put on that one thing or person, and b) the more places you look, the likelier you are to find it, and c) there is no panacea; nothing is going to solve everything.

I need to not see statements like this as rejection either. My mind spins things around. I have been trying to find happiness in a lot of places, but most have been failing.

Also, to be perfectly honest, I really do put too much stock in that one person for happiness--because that person makes me happy. Also, I think the way I've become so controlling about things in the last few years is because things/situations/I have been chipping away at my esteem. I feel good about who I am (really good), but I don't trust that people I like will like me, or that things will turn out the way I want them to--and so, I try to control them, so they will turn out how I want. It doesn't work that way, and that really pisses me off. I've always been one to cogitate about outcomes BEFORE acting, and often in lieu of acting. The reason: I don't want to be caught off guard. Also, I realized at a young age that I don't want to be stuck 'between a rock and a hard place' ever; so I would just avoid that. Ha! as if that works. If something might get me hurt; don't do it. This is why I had/am having such a freak-out over this whole medical thing I've been dealing with for the last few weeks. It's only normal stuff: we see something that should be looked into--we need follow-up; that sort of thing, but I'm so fucking scared that I'll have to have surgery or have pain or something really bad. Whatever, I need to stay positive right now. Puppies. Flowers. Kittens. Rainbows. Family. Friends. Love.