I hate sadness

Apparently this is what happens when I don't let myself cry. Last night I felt like crying a little and didn't. All today I have felt lazy, depressed, and slightly sick. As I just thought about that, tears started welling up in my eyes. I still really don't feel like crying. I don't want to feel the pain, even though I feel a dull pain anyway. Maybe it would be good for me to get out, but I have no money, no car, and no one except Jenny to go see, and she's in Oak Park. This sucks. I need something. What? blagh. Maybe I'll just crawl back under my blanket. I don't even have any chocolate. If anyone read this, they could give me ideas about how to feel better. Oh well. I just feel very alone and powerless and defeated and overwhelmed.