Update

Well, as soon as I hid under my blanket, I started crying. It was beyond my control. I just feel bad because I don't want to waste my life like this. I want my life to feel like it's moving forward, progressing, constructive, happy. The thing that makes me sad is when I have thoughts like, 'is this day over yet?' I said that to my mom once a long time ago, and she basically said, 'why would you ever want time to go faster?' I really should want it to drag on and on and on. Anyway, I want to feel happy with where I am. I want to be with someone whom I love and who loves me where it is healthy. I want to have a career that I feel good about...make a difference. I want to feel comforted by my home. I also felt bad because I had this thought: my life and my friends feel like going to a shitty place to get your hair cut. Sure, you can get a decent cut, but you have to walk them through it...know exactly what you want, and micro-manage every little step. My two closest friends are so very similar. I have to ASK for a hug almost every time. And then it's like a chore. ...fiiiiiine....okay that's enough. Kind of like that. I'm a very affectionate person. They both are also pretty negative: I'm fairly positive. So, I just need more supportive people, more friends, more independence than I have right now, and have things more the way I want them.

Anyway, as soon as I heard thunder, I jumped up and felt better. So strange. I'm going to quick run with it and see what I can get done.