Journal Entries 1997

12-8-97
"Everyone is jealous. Some admit it, others do not. It is a perversity to be jealous of the past because the past is usually made of ashes."
Think about:....."Those who unveil the mysteries have tragic lives."
actual sentence was: "I was incapable of earning a living."
I read it as: "I was incapable of becoming a woman."
Interesting, eh? I should work on both of those things because I think they're sort of how I feel and freezing me.
Anais Nin
"There are so many things lying within one, potential, unconscious, that if you are acting a role, and this role corresponds to a dormant self, this self awakens, becomes reality. But if you act a false role, something entirely outside of one's self, you get sick, uneasy."

"It considers all escape as bad, as evasion. Some of these escapes are mobilities into creative areas, towards light or sun, new growth, new departures or renewals."

"I find her unbalanced after two nights of insomnia, of walking through the city, sitting in cafes. She says, "I feel that nobody loves me, that they regard me as a monster. All but you. I feel unwanted everywhere."

"It is your guilt which makes you appear unlovely in your own eyes. There is something you can do to attract people. They feel you do not care about them. Show them that you care about them. Love attracts love."

"One finds the extraordinary in proportion to one's rebellion against the ordinary."
"You cannot have great adventures and your bedroom slippers at the same time."

If you take things too literally, they are ruined, they don't make sense, or they just seem disappointing. In reading something (Physically or mentally), trust your instinct, don't over-analyze, or you will question it, and it will lose its beauty. If you read on, you will realize that your initial interpretation was correct; they beauty really is there. Have faith in beauty!
I don't think poetry has to be, or even necessarily SHOULD be beautiful; it can most definitely be ugly, and that can still be beautiful in an artistic sense.
"He livs like a heavily loaded snail."
"When Henry (Miller) is faced with a conflict he simply goes dead. When he is faced with the need to take the lead, to act, to free himself, disengage himself, he is paralyzed." (!!)
"All unfulfilled desires are imprisoned children."
I want (or possibly see?) art in my chaos.

People on a higher level of consciousness place meaning and significance or symbolism on things that other people would not recognize, or think about.

"Poverty is the great reality. That is why the artist seeks it."
"Why seek the origin of fire? Why not BE the fire?"
I think I think like a child who doesn't think like a child.

"Break and shatter loneliness forever!
I am never close enough;
I want some impossible communion.
I must accept intermittences.
Loneliness in between."

"In Proust himself there was an activity which constantly created unreality: one was hyperanalysis, the other self-doubt. So he spins the unreality from which he suffers. He dissolves life."

note: Esther Harding: "The Way of All Women" ???