Journal Entries...1998 now!

February 16-17th, 1998
I think...(!) dating/marriage is tricky, and here's why: there are two types of people: strong, and weak. Many people, when they date, see it as "becoming one" with the other person. Their personalities sort of conjeal (sp?) or melt into one person who is a combination of their two personalities. Well, first of all, I think this is wrong. People should be their own people. Second of all, if they want to become one person, they better both be pretty interesting people. Cuz you figure if the one new person forms sort of as a 1/2 from each of the two personalities. So if both people are very strong, interesting characters, it makes for a slightly less interesting whole, but still okay. But say, only one of the two, or if NEITHER person is interesting, then, when they are in a relationship and become 1/2 of this newly formed whole, this new whole is twice as BORING as the two boring individuals. It's a travesty. That's why many interesting people who are friends with someone somewhat less interesting can no longer stand that less interesting person when he/she is in a relationship because he/she becomes more boring and then there's this new boring person too. I think the reason boring people become one with significant others is because people are generally boring because they are insecure which causes a weak personality which causes existing to make other people happy which prevents standing up for what you believe in. Well to me, what makes people interesting is standing up for their own strong beliefs. So two weak personalities get together, and what is the product? Two people constantly hiding their personal beliefs and being NEUTRAL so as to please the significant other. So these couples generally act, seem, and feel very happy (too happy) because they're existing to please. But they're not REALLY happy because they're not being REAL. So eventually, they either break up because they start showing their real personalities and suddenly problems arise, or they start couples therapy to strengthen their individual personalities and work out all the resentment that comes from hiding their real selves!

Why R people made so that if one traumatic thing happens in their lives, it screws them up for the rest of their lives? I think it's because people are VERY fragile in the whole scheme of things .. i.e. they're vulnerable. Ok, so WHY are they vulnerable? Wouldn't it be simpler and make people happier if they more closely resembled stones...if they were strong enough so as to not get hurt? Well actually, NO, that is not the best answer. It might be simpler before delving into the issue, but it would NOT make people happier. My belief is that vulnerability is a necessity. Without vulnerability, happiness cannot be achieved. So although vulnerability causes a lot of pain, it's what allows us to be happy. If we were tough, so that we couldn't feel pain, we wouldn't know when to be happy...there would be no difference between pain and happiness. Some people may think they could forego the happiness, for the sake of never feeling pain. But most people would rather have the ability to feel both than to feel nothing because the strength of happiness outweighs the strength of pain. Having felt pain makes happiness that much better; it's the spice of life--that bitter sweetnes. I think about what drugs like Lithium and Prozac do. They do exactly that, they numb the senses so you feel less pain, and less happiness. And that's probably their biggest problem. I mean, they're wonderful for people who generally cannot feel happiness, and their pain is constant and life-threatening. But it would not be the solution for anyone feeling unhappy. I think this is part of the whole story of Adam and Eve. They weren't supposed to eat the apple because the apple symbolized sweetness and happiness. So if they ate the apple, they would become familiar with joy, but as a result become vulnerable to pain because they would now know the difference. God did not want them to eat the apple because He wanted to spare them the agony of also then knowing pain for ever more. So it was a sin against humanity because it made pain a fact of life rather than sticking to neutrality. It's the question of..." (at this point of the journal, I tore 3/4 of the sheet out of the book so it's cut off...duh. the parts that are still intact are:
knowledge and be less...
know more and therefore...
whether to know...
but only out...
want to know...
and a thirst for...
existence beca....
the stronger...
will be ho...
happiness...
Adam and Eve...
bl..."

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I made a list of things I did, wrote "piano", and "upright", and "PIANO MOVERS 847-673-5500", and "These guys are AWFUL!"