"Writing: October 15, 1998
How can you be so artistic, yet so hateful. I can see artistic and negative, moreso, although it still seems incongruous. Art is beauty, so how can someone be capable of producing beauty, and yet be negative, hateful in everyday life? It must stem from extremely idealistic beliefs that are impossible. This failure to live up to such expectations creates cynicism, which creates hate? Who was it, John Wesley Harding? John Hyatt? who said, "Disappointment Breeds Contempt."
I think what frustrates ME so much is that so few people in the whole scheme of things seem artistically inclined; it's such a gift that they should surpass the average person and be as artistic as possible. So many people see things as ugly, and just don't have a capacity to create beauty. Society has enough ugliness, so people who create beauty should create as much as possible to balance things out more. People are too scared of vulnerability; hence, the callousness. Oh, if they're tough, and they hurt first, they won't get hurt. Well, if it was that simple, nobody would ever get hurt. Hurt is part of what makes life a beautiful experience. It's like if you never have to go without things you want, you can't appreciate things you get. When you've always wanted something that was not easily attainable, and you work and work and work to get the means to the end, THEN when you finally reap the rewards of your effort, and get the thing you wanted, you truly appreciate it and see its beauty. Bittersweet...just sweet is sickening. It's the bitter which you don't like at the time that makes the sweet so wonderful. Not only is all sweet not appreciated, but it's not as sweet. It's almost like someone going on Lithium to balance their moods. Sure, they don't have the awful lows, but they don't get the great highs either. When couples are always nice to each other, and never argue, people do not become envious or try to model their behavior, they wonder what's wrong with them. I wish defense mechanisms would not be so rampant. They make things ugly.
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Nicole
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